If you walk into your local bookstore and pick up any random title on interpersonal communication, the majority of the books will simply remind you to “always be approachable.”

Wow, you think, thanks for the advice.

But when you walk into a room full of strangers, attend a national conference or start a new job, that advice doesn’t help maximize your approachability.

In the book The Power of Approachability, my goal was to help the reader change his or her paradigm of communication and think of every interaction – big or small, online or off – in terms of approachability.

Now, as the research continues, I’ve created a new model. It’s called The Approachability Indicator™. For the past five years, I’ve examined thousands of case studies, scientific journals, books, interviews, surveys and articles on what the world thinks approachability means. And although the research showed that various disciplines and people viewed the idea differently, there were several fascinating commonalities among all the sources.

This system will teach you what approachability is, why it’s critical to successful communication, and it will provide you with concrete techniques to MAXIMIZE it.

The Approachability Indicator™ is based on the following model:

To begin, the word ‘approachability’ derives from the Latin verb apropiare, which means ‘to come nearer to.’ Therefore, approachability is a two way street. And the model represents both inbound and outbound channels. Outbound, or proactive approachability, is stepping onto someone else’s front porch. It’s about being bold. It’s about breaking the silence. And it’s about taking initiative. Inbound, or reactive approachability, is welcoming others onto your front porch. It’s about openness. It’s about availability. And it’s about making yourself accessible to others.

As you see from Fig. 1, all types of approachability fall into one of seven categories. As you read the list below, each section will give you several techniques to help MAXIMIZE it!

Building Social Capital
Willingness to develop new relationships

1) Acknowledge people you know
2) Welcome new business/personal relationships with various types of people
3) Network for the purpose of mutually valuable relationships, not sales
4) Become easily engaged by friends and strangers alike
5) Maintain the confidence to talk to high level professionals
6) Learn to enjoy meeting new people
7) Constantly enlarge your network
8) Make eye contact, even if you don’t know someone

What You Say
Dynamics of conversation

1. Patiently allow others to interrupt you for conversational clarity
2. Leave a conversation making your partner feel good about himself
3. Make sure every person in the group is involved in the conversation
4. Allow people to finish jokes, even if you’re heard them a million times
5. Break the uncomfortable silence when nobody else will
6. Still be friendly to others, even if you’re in a bad mood
7. Change the subject when someone else feels uncomfortable
8. Be sensitive to other people’s communication apprehension
9. Give people an experience, not just a conversation

What You Don’t Say
Non-verbal behaviors

1. You have two ears and one mouth – listen and talk accordingly
2. Use gestures when you talk
3. Wear clothes that make you look and feel comfortable
4. Give high-fives and hugs when appropriate
5. Vary your vocal inflection when you talk
6. Look ahead when you’re walking, not at the ground
7. Smile when introduced to someone
8. Smile when you say goodbye to someone
9. Smile when you answer the phone
10. Keep your arms uncrossed, even if it’s cold
11. Use adequate pauses during conversation, instead of talking for the sake of talking

Keeping It Real
Authentic personality

1. Inspire others instead of impress them
2. Become the world’s expert on yourself
3. Show others that you enjoy what you do
4. Be confident enough to be humble
5. Put your personality into everything you do and say
6. Have fun at work every day
7. Quickly make new people feel like they’ve known you for years
8. Be known by many people at your work, organization or faith group
9. Admit when you’re wrong, don’t know, or when you’ve screwed up
10. Be someone whom others “could tell anything”

Drop Me A Line
Easily reached

1. Return phone calls and emails within 24 hours
2. Carry several business cards in your bag, car or wallet
3. Avoid Hotmail, AOL or Yahoo for business transactions
4. Maintain a simple, easy-to-type, easy-to-remember email
5. Check your email at least three times a day
6. Offer various methods of contact (email, phone, fax, in-person, etc.)
7. Read emails aloud before sending them

PHYSICAL Availability
Openness of personal space

1. Greet others, even if you’re not designated as a “greeter”
2. Stop what you’re doing to address someone who comes to you
3. Seek out the first timers at meetings and parties
4. Talk to people before and after meetings, events, programs
5. Go out of your way to sit with people you don’t know
6. Do things that “aren’t your job” if it makes others more comfortable
7. Share travel plans with people who might need to get a hold of you
8. Be accessible outside of group situations for people who are shy in front of others

PERSONAL Availability
Openness of mind and heart

1. Make every encounter with another person feel valued
2. Find the answers to questions you don’t know instead of “faking it”
3. Address both trivial and serious problems of people who come to you
4. Receive criticism without taking it personally
5. Give criticism without sounding harsh
6. Listen to other people’s viewpoints and ideas, even if you don’t agree with them
7. Maintain openness, even about uncomfortable topics
8. Keep other people’s secrets
9. Be a boss, friend, co-worker, colleague AND/OR subordinate

This model also revolves around five benefits of maximum approachability. These factors answer the question: Why is approachability so important?

The first is opportunity. With strangers, you never know whom you’ll meet. With acquaintances, friends or family, you never know what you’ll learn. And with people in general, you never know how it’ll reciprocate. But you never will know until you take that first step. In other words, ‘you can’t win if you don’t play,’ ‘to grab the fruit you must go out on a limb,’ ‘the turtle only makes progress when he sticks his neck out,’ and the like.

The second benefit is confidence. When people perceive you as approachable, they are confident they can bring their issues, ideas and true selves to you. And when you equip yourself with the techniques and tips for starting, maintaining and closing conversations, it will reassure your own ability to become and UNFORGETTABLE communicator.

The third benefit of approachability is permission. Because we live in a fast paced, fear based culture, we need to inform others that it’s ok to communicate. According to interpersonal communication textbooks, humans engage with each for five reasons: to inquire, to relate, to play, to help or to manage. Still, none of those motivators can be carried out without permission.

The next benefit is comfort, and it is absolutely essential to approachability. From remembering names to open body language to appropriate topics of discussion, comfort is king. And if you want to assure that co-workers, clients, friends, family – even strangers – can approach you AND be approached by you, they have to be comfortable. And so do you.

Lastly, there’s trust; and it’s the summation of opportunity, confidence, permission and comfort. Imagine you’ve got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. Your cell phone has no service. You’re stuck! So, you walk into town seeking help. About an hour later you come across two houses on opposite sides of the road. One is dark, deserted and dilapidated. The other has its lights on and a family sitting out on the front porch.

Which house would you choose?

99% of the people I ask this question choose the second house because it exudes opportunity. They’re confident the family is friendly and they’re comfortable saying hello to them. Ultimately, the front porch gives them permission to step up and trust that the strangers be willing to help them out of a bind.

That’s approachability.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Who’s the most approachable person you know?

What image would you rather project: charisma or authenticity?

Charisma comes from the Greek word kharisma, which means “gift” or ‘divine favor.’ According to Wikipedia, is often used to describe the ability to charm or influence people. It also refers to a quality in certain individuals who easily draw the attention and admiration of others due to a “magnetic” quality of personality and/or appearance.

Big deal. This is 2006. Charisma will only take you so far. And in an age of corporate scandal, lack of consumer trust and mass media brainwashing, there is only one attribute that picks up where charisma left off and TRULY magnetizes customers and coworkers to you: authenticity.

What is Authentic?
The word comes from the Latin authenticus, or ‘original, genuine.’ It’s defined as ‘worthy of trust, reliance, or belief,’ and it is NOT the same thing as charisma.

An article from the Harvard Business Review (Khurana, 2002) explained that while charismatic leaders have often been hired in times of corporate distress, charisma is much more a social product than an individual trait. Furthermore, Khurana explained that ‘…factors affecting corporate performance are often beyond the powers of even the most charismatic leader.’

Furthermore, a related study from Cornel University, which surveyed 6,500 hotel employees worldwide, proved that organizations with employees who rated their managers as ‘authentic,’ (not charismatic) were ‘more profitable than hotels whose managers had gaps between their words and actions.’

This is not to say charisma is worthless. I DO think it’s a valuable characteristic that many successful businesspeople and leaders possess.

But it cannot stand alone.

The Old Way
Lately I’ve been reading a lot of articles on charisma. And honestly, a lot of them piss me off. First of all; articles written on the topic of charisma usually reference famous political leaders who have innate and exceptional rhetorical/interpersonal skills. As if when it came to charisma, you either had it, or you didn’t have it. And if you didn’t, well, too bad!

That’s why authenticity is more valuable. It doesn’t have such requirements. You don’t need to possess the interpersonal charm or brilliance of Bill Clinton to be authentic. You just need to be yourself. And anybody can do that to become a more successful communicator and businessperson.

Secondly, many articles written on the topic of charisma are WAY out of date. (5-10 years old.) One piece in particular caught my attention, the writer of which I will not mention because, well, that’s just not cool. He said:

‘There is a close association between personal charisma and success in life.’

There are many other determinants of your success besides charisma. I’ve personally read about (and met) thousands of successful people whom I NEVER would have labeled as ‘charismatic.’

But you better believe every one of them was authentic.

So, don’t think that if you’re not charismatic, you’re not going to be successful.

Take Your Pick
So…do want to be perceived as ‘charismatic’ or ‘authentic’? The following exercise will help you decide. I looked up the words charisma and authenticity in my thesaurus, mixed them up, then put them in this list. Go through each item and circle the one trait you’d most prefer others to perceive you as having.

1. ‘attractive’ or ‘accurate’
2. ‘bona-fide’ or ‘bewitching’
3. ‘desirable’ or ‘dependable’
4. ‘faithful’ or ‘fascinating’
5. ‘genuine’ or ‘glamorous’
6. ‘lovely’ or ‘legitimate’
7. ‘pure’ or ‘provocative’
8. ‘tantalizing’ or ‘trustworthy’

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Can you tell the difference between charisma and authenticity?

What’s the most important word in marketing?

Free?
Why?
Truth?
Honesty?
Integrity?

At first glance, it seems like a simple question. But the more you think about it, the more complex it gets. One could probably argue any number of answers based on his beliefs, values or type of business.

But is there really one word that’s more important than all the others?
One word without which your marketing efforts will be successful?

I recently surveyed dozens of marketing professionals, authors, consultants and small business owners on www.hellomynameisblog.com. The results included a wide range of words; from the emotionally charged to the pragmatic; from the right brain to the left brain and from the customer focused to the company focus. But all of the suggested “most important words in marketing” fell into one of two categories: Traditional Marketing or Modern Marketing.

Traditional Marketing: The Old School
Traditional Marketing used to be all about advertising. It was expensive, short lived, and had little to do with the Internet or word of mouth. Also, it aimed its messages at passive audiences. Leading expert and best selling author Seth Godin calls this “Interruption Marketing,” in which the marketer talks directly to as many consumers as possible.

Now, although this traditional style of marketing has lost some of its prowess to the fierce competition of the web, it’s still a powerful medium through which companies can reach their customers. Let’s see which words the experts chose from this category.

NOTE: before you read the survey results below, take a minute to answer the question for yourself: What do you think is the most important word in marketing? Once you’ve made your decision, read on and see how your answer compares.

NEW
“NEW is probably the strongest word in marketing,” explains Ronnie Horowitz from The TRIZ Journal. “People are attracted to new products like a magnet. Introducing new products on a constant basis is the best way to get attention and invaluable free publicity for your business.”

WHY
Michael ‘The Success Doctor’ Fortin believes the most important word in marketing is WHY. ‘It is much better to communicate why you are original, special or unique; why you are better, different or superior than competitors – not just the fact that you are. Imply your superiority by specifying as much as possible.’

CUSTOMER
Sivaraman Swaminathan from Customer World says we shouldn’t overlook the obvious word, CUSTOMER. ‘I think marketing has evolved because the focus is on the customer. The soul of marketing is the customer. Period. In marketing, you will fail even if you have greatest passion for the wrong target audience; you will fail if you don’t know whom you should respect, and you will fail if you don’t know which customer to trust.’

YOU
Similarly, Robert Middleton from Action Plan Marketing said, ‘The most important word in marketing is YOU. That is, marketing needs to convey very clearly what’s in it for the client or customer.’

FREE
FREE was also touted by several experts as the most important word. Edward ‘Skip’ Masland, owner of Web Solvers says ‘FREE was, is and will always be the most powerful word in marketing. It attracts eyeballs. It gets results and responses quickly. And marketers may not profit today – or tomorrow – but if they can generate a groundswell of interest from something free, they know they will profit sooner or later.’

On the other hand, Bob Serling from Idea Quotient wrote an article claiming that FREE was the most dangerous word in marketing. ‘I’ve been advising businesses for nearly 20 years that a business model driven by attracting prospects through giving something away for free is almost always a model for failure. And it doesn’t matter whether you use this model online or offline – it will nearly always fail.’

LISTENING
Next, Karen from Dezign Matters explained that the most important word in marketing was something you DON’T say. ‘I think the word is LISTENING. A little time leaning back and listening quietly can save time, money and leave the client and customer feeling that someone truly heard what they were trying to say.’

BECAUSE
Michael Daehn, author of Marketing Ingenious explained, ‘I read a case study about cutting in lines at a copy machines. The hypothesis was that the word ‘please’ would get the best response. But the results proved that the word ‘because’ received a much better response given that the word offered a reason to let someone cut in line. Therefore, we as marketers need to give customers a reason to buy.’

RESULTS
Lastly, Michael Cage from Small Business Marketing Systems said the most important word in marketing was RESULTS. ‘Small businesses are often suckered into fluffy, fancy marketing concepts that sound great but produce absolutely nothing in the real world. If the business owner or marketing department can’t tie what they do to results, likewise, they need to step back and get it right before passing go.’

Modern Marketing: The New School
20 years ago, nobody knew what the words ‘blog,’ ‘RSS feed,’ ‘personal branding,’ ‘viral marketing’ or ‘google’ meant. But now – at the risk of sounding cliché – the rules have changed. Business is different. Customers are smarter. And marketing isn’t the same old run-a-bunch-of-ads-and-hope-people-buy-your-stuff system.

Now, it’s all about creating an emotional connection. It’s about being unforgettable, unbelievable and unique. It’s about providing an experience that’s so fantastic, customers not only remain loyal to you – but they tell all their friends to do the same.

Here’s what the experts said about the most important words in Modern Marketing.

RESPECT
It’s not surprising that Seth Godin – author of seven best selling books about how to make your business remarkable – always emails me back within 30 minutes. I drop him a line every once in a while to pass along an interesting website or, in this case, ask a question. He replied with a brilliant one-word answer: RESPECT. Period.

AUTHENTICITY
John More, owner of Brand Autopsy, maintained the most important word in marketing was AUTHENTICITY. ‘With the world becoming one gigantic ad, consumers today can sniff out anything that smells the least bit fake and inauthentic. Success will come truer and faster if companies can design products, programs, and services that are authentic in meaning, purpose, and delivery.’

Moore dug deeper on the topic of authenticity and explained that ‘Authenticity is usually a by-product of a purpose-driven business. And unfortunately, there ain’t enough businesses out there with the purpose of making a positive difference in the world.’

PASSION
Similarly, Tom Asacker from A Clear Eye says it’s all about PASSION. ‘Passion for one’s business and for one’s calling inspires and attracts people. They want to be to believe, to belong; to become. And that’s the essence of marketing today.’

Tom and John’s posts on the blog discussion generated high amounts of support from other experts. Laura from the Smart Musings blog agreed by saying, ‘John and Tom are right. Consumers can distinguish between authentic and inauthentic marketing. Authentic messages will strike a chord with them. That may encourage them to buy. And once they become a customer, then they may too become passionate about the product. And that is the ultimate goal of marketing: not just to have passionate employees, but passionate customers.’

TRUST
Another popular word was TRUST. Kevin Berringer from Reflections on Business Blog simply said, ‘No trust = no belief = nobody listens.’

EXPERIENCE
Then, Chris Ray from Interactively Speaking voted for the word EXPERIENCE, as in The Customer Experience. ‘I believe this word summarizes respect, authenticity, passion, results, etc.’ said Ray. ‘It ultimately decides whether or not a company succeeds.’

AROMA
Next, Jim Seybert from the Jim Seybert Company offered a most unusual suggestion: AROMA. ‘Brain scientists tell me that smell is the only sense that goes directly to the limbic lobe in our brains – and triggers nothing short of primal emotions. Marketers should pay attention to the ‘aroma’ of their brand. They need to identify the unavoidable, immediate and emotional reaction customers experience upon coming into contact with their brand.’

OPEN
Another intriguing response came from Nellie Lide of The New Persuasion Blog. Her word was OPEN. ‘You’ve got to be open. Open to others. Open to customers. Open to employees. Open to new. Open to old. Open to scrutiny. Open to derision. Open to joy. Open to different.’

TRUTH
George Silverman, author of The Secrets to Word of Mouth Marketing says it’s all about TRUTH. ‘Marketing has become synonymous with hype. The truth, compellingly told, is all you need. Just tell it in an interesting way, usually with a story. This allows you to tell the truth about your product and the truth about yourself.’

No Word
The last respondent of the survey was Sean D’Souza from Psycho Tactics. He decided to take the contrarian’s point of view. ‘There is no one single word that’s the most important in marketing. Making such a claim would be like saying your heart is the most important part of your body. I think we try to make things too simplistic. In reality, marketing is a series of things that coordinate together to create magic.’

It’s All In The Hunt
In case you haven’t already figured it out, the answer to the question ‘What’s the most important word in marketing?’ is: it all depends.

Typical marketing answer, huh?

But ultimately, it’s not about the answer – it’s about the question. It’s about the creative thought process each businessperson goes through when he considers what the most important word in marketing is…to him.

Personally, I chose the word CONFIDENCE.

In other words, I want to instill confidence in the minds of potential customers that if they step onto my company’s front porch, they will be working with a credible, valuable, trustworthy individual whose unique school of thought will help them produce results.

But that’s just me. That’s how I roll.

Now, it’s up to YOU to reexamine what ‘marketing’ truly means to you and your company. In so doing, you will gain a better understanding about who you are, what you do and whom you do it for.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What do you think is the most important word in marketing?

Schmoozing is for suckers.

That’s right, I said it. Schmoozing is for suckers. And I’ve finally grown tired of people using the word as a synonym for conversation, networking, mingling, small talk and chatter.

So I decided to look up the word schmoozing in the dictionary for the first time. And I found three VERY interesting facts that you might like to know:

1) It’s defined as, ‘To converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage.’

2) It derives from the Yiddish term shmuesn, or ‘rumor.’

3) Synonyms include: gossip, bad-mouth, blather and tattle-tale.

I don’t know about you, but that’s NOT the way I communicate. Nor is it the way I’d want people describing the way I communicate.

I also Googled the word schmoozing. 2,272,000 pages came up. The first dozen or so were Amazon links for books written on schmoozing, most of which I’ve read; some of which were good. Unfortunately, schmoozing is a word that carries with it certain stereotypes. And I don’t think I’m alone here, but, here’s what I picture when I imagine a ‘schmoozer’:

Someone who’s kissing ass

Someone who’s got a hidden agenda

Someone who’s only talking to me to get what they want

Someone who’s ‘working the room’ (another phrase I loathe)

But that’s just me. That’s MY truth, not THE truth.

I’m sure there are a lot of people who don’t consider schmoozing to be in bad taste. And that’s totally cool. If you’re schmoozing in order to develop and maintain mutually valuable relationships, to engage, make friends, have fun, and expand your network, cool. More power to ya!

But dictionaries don’t lie. And I think the big idea behind schmoozing has to do with attitude. After all, approachability starts in your mind.

Therefore, I’d like to offer the following list:

Four Ways to Avoid Being Labeled as a Schmoozer

1. Don’t monopolize the conversation. You were born with two ears and one mouth. Use them proportionately. Ask creative, fun and interesting questions like, ‘What’s the best part about your job?’ Then be quiet.

2. Slow down. Walk, talk and move between conversations at a casual, relaxed pace. Make it easy for someone to get your attention. Don’t hop from person to person like a politician.

3. Exit gracefully. After talking to someone for a few minutes, conclude your conversation commensurate with the connection you’ve just made, i.e., ‘I’m sure we’ll talk again later tonight,’ ‘I’ll drop you an email and we can talk more about it,’ ‘Let’s find a good time for both of us when we can continue this conversation,’ or ‘I’m sure we both want to meet other people here too, so I’ll let ya go for now!’

4. Sit down. Take a break. Relax. Watch the room. Let people come to YOU for a change. Remember, approachability is a two way street: you’re both the approach-ER and the approach-EE.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Do you work with any schmoozers?

1. NEVER leave your office, house (or anywhere for that matter) without at least 8 business cards in your pocket. Because just when you think, ‘Yeah, but I won’t need them when I go to the baseball game,’ you’ll wind up sitting right next to a potential customer and saying, ‘Damn it! I wish I had one of my business cards with me!’

2. When someone asks you, ‘So, what do you do?’ offer an UNFORGETTABLE answer in less than five seconds that makes them say, ‘Really…?’ ‘Cool!’ or ‘Oh yeah, that sounds interesting.’ Remember, even the most boring job in the world can sound magnetic, cool and unique.

3. If you read at least one book every year on remembering people’s names AND stop telling people that you suck at remembering names, you will become amazing at remembering people’s names.

4. If you refuse to wear a nametag because YOU feel uncomfortable, just think how uncomfortable OTHER people will feel when they forget your name.

5. If the only reason you’re crossing your arms is because you’re cold, that’s exactly what your staff will think you are: cold. And if the only reason you’re crossing your arms is because it’s comfortable for YOU; that means it’s probably uncomfortable for one of them.

6. Sit with your toes pointing directly at your conversation partner. Toes pointed away = resistance.

7. Don’t try to be different. In fact, don’t ‘try’ to be anything. Just be. Be yourself. Be the world’s expert on yourself, and be that person every day. Nothing is more approachable than authenticity.

8. The more imitable you are, the less valuable you are.

9. Smile for ten seconds every time you walk into a room.

10. Consistency is far better than rare moments of greatness. So be friendly to everyone, especially people who appear unimportant. Because you never know when you’re being evaluated by someone who IS important.

11. Don’t be afraid to interrupt someone by saying, ‘Wait, I don’t know what that means.’ It shows you’re listening and shows you’re human.

12. Walk slower. Make it easy for people to get your attention.

13. Share you knowledge from your successes AND failures. And remember that people remember stories, not facts; and not to tell ‘em what you did – but to tell ‘em what you learned.

14. Most people avert their eyes from oncoming strangers when they get within 10 feet of each other. See how many of them you can get to acknowledge you in one week. Then try to double that number the next week.

15. Put a mirror by your phone. Every time you answer it, you’ll catch a glimpse of yourself and either smile or laugh. And customers will hear your smile come through the line when you answer.

16. When one of your staff members comes to you with an issue, ask ‘What are two or three aspects that concern you about this problem?’

17. Keep your door open. No physical barriers. And even if it means more team members stop by to ‘bother you,’ you will wind up learning more about what’s going on.

18. If you’re not sure whether you should hug or shake hands with someone, high fives usually suffice as a happy medium.

19. Stop saying, ‘No problem’ and ‘You’re welcome.’ Instead, try ‘Absolutely!’ ‘You got it!’ and ‘My pleasure!’

20. Two words that will always make every customer happy: RIGHT AWAY.

21. Smile when you say ‘Nice to meet you,’ or else the other person won’t think you’re telling the truth.

22. Instead of staying ‘Next!’ try something friendlier like ‘Step right up!’ or ‘Welcome to Paradise!’

23. Make it easy for people who come to your website to get in touch with you. On every page, put phone numbers, email, fax, screen names, your mailing address and any other medium through which customers can reach you.

24. And when your customers ask, ‘What’s the best way to get a hold of you?’ tell them, ‘Whatever you prefer. I’m equally easy to reach via email, phone, fax or in person.’ Let them choose. It doesn’t matter what you prefer – because it isn’t about you.

25. In the history of business, a client or coworker has never exclaimed, ‘Damn it Steve, why do you always over-communicate!?’ Less isn’t more.

26. Take copious notes when you have an in depth phone conversation with a new client. Then, before you hang up, tell the person, ‘When we hang up, I’ll shoot you an email that summarizes everything we just talked about, that way we’ll be on the same page.’ Be sure to email that person less than 5-10 minutes later, if possible. You’ll blow people away! Customers love to know that you’ve been listening. Especially when you SHOW instead of tell them.

27. Make at least one of your customers laugh every day.

28. Make at least one of your coworkers laugh every day.

29. Make at least one of your salespeople laugh every day.

30. Make a friend in less than 30 seconds with every person you meet.

31. Make eye contact for two extra seconds when being introduced (and saying goodbye) to someone new. One-one-thousand…two-one-thousand…

32. In the event that you actually remember someone’s name, always say it back to that person upon exiting a conversation.

33. Don’t impress. First inspire, then people WILL be impressed.

34. Email signatures don’t need your entire life story. Just be sure to include your basic contact information, and something that piques the interest of the recipient.

35. When you put an employee on hold for call waiting, tell them how many seconds to expect to wait. For example, ‘Sandy, hang on 10 seconds. Be right back.’ Most people will actually count to ten in their heads. That way, when you return, you’ve proved to them that they can ‘count on you.’

36. Once a month, read 10 magazines you wouldn’t normally read. It’s called an Eclectic Education, and it’s the stuff great conversationalists are made of.

37. Every week, introduce one of your coworkers to someone new.

38. Discover the CPI, or Common Point of Interest, between you and any new friend as soon as possible. Ask creative, unique, interesting, thought provoking and challenging questions like, ‘Can you describe the best day you had at work last year?’

39. Become a great storyteller. If you’re no good, rent a few stand-up DVD’s and learn from the pros.

40. Be able to answer the question, ‘So, what do you do?’ in 5, 10, 20, 30, 60 and 90 seconds.

41. Keep your hands away from your nose or mouth while talking. Freud says it shows dishonesty.

42. Once a month, go out to lunch by yourself and observe how others interact. Take notes. Focus on body language, posture, dress and anything else that nonverbally communicates. After all, Yogi Berra was right, “You can observe a lot just by watching.”

43. Spend lunch with your employees as often as possible. Offer a casual, open environment that encourages both work related and casual conversation.

44. Google the words, ‘approachable,’ ‘unapproachable,’ and ‘approachability.’ Spend 30 minutes a month reading up on people who are (and are not) considered approachable. Look for patterns. Then either emulate or avoid them.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Who’s the most approachable person you know?

So there I was – sitting in the audience of an on-campus seminar. Surrounding me sat hundreds of fellow students; each of us wearing one of those little, handwritten, adhesive nametags. When the event was over, we all filed toward the exit. I approached the door and noticed a small trashcan filled to the brim with ripped up, used nametags.

And that gave me an idea. A crazy idea. Maybe I should keep my nametag on all night!

I wondered what would happen if I ‘threw myself out there.’ And I wondered how that would affect my approachability.

Sure enough, I walked out of that seminar with ‘Scott’ stuck on my chest. About 10 minutes later I met up with a friend of mine at a local ice cream shop. And that’s when it all started. That’s when the silence was broken.

People began to say hello. Random students walked up to me and started conversations. Even complete strangers yelled ‘Hey Scott!’ from across the room! I noticed an astonishing increase in both my own and other people’s willingness to communicate – all because of a nametag!

Later that night I returned home. I looked in the mirror at that little red and white nametag. And then, I made the most important decision of my entire life:

I vow to wear this nametag all day, every day – for the rest of my life.

That fateful day was November 2nd, 2000. And since then, my entire life has changed. On January 1st, 2003, my first book entitled HELLO, my name is Scott: Wearing Nametags for a Friendlier Society, was released. At the same time, my company, Front Porch Productions was created.

But with every passing day of wearing a nametag – I was forced to look deeper. I knew there was something bigger at work. And now after three years of business and five years of wearing a nametag all day, every day – it’s time to go from experimental to experiential. The following are seven valuable business lessons I learned from wearing a nametag.

Repetition
Like a large percentage of the world, I didn’t learn much in college. Or maybe I just don’t remember much from college. Either way, I did take away a few key concepts from my marketing studies. The main one was called ‘The Three R’s of Marketing,’ which are:

1) Repetition
2) Repetition
3) Repetition

I know it sounds incredibly obvious. But with every single day that I wore that little nametag, people were more and more likely to think ‘He’s still wearing that nametag!’ ‘Hey look, there’s Scott again…’ ‘Why in the hell does that guy always wear a nametag?’

It was catching on. People not only noticed me, but they remembered me. And now they were starting to tell other people too.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

What new action could you repeat on a daily basis?

Combine Vocation with Values
I often remind people that what I do as a person and businessperson is not about nametags. The nametag is merely a symbol that represents several core values I hold close to my heart. The truth is; my nametag and my values are one in the same. You see, my nametag represents friendliness, approachability, fun, creativity, uniqueness and casualness. And I, as a person, believe in friendliness, approachability, fun, creativity, uniqueness and casualness.

This reminds me of my friend Ed. He’s a financial planner, and a damn good one at that. But the reason he’s so successful is because his values (planning ahead, setting goals, organization) are manifested through his job. And I think the greatest businesspeople in the world are those who do just that: combine vocation with values.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Which values are manifested through your work?

You Can’t Make Everybody Happy
You’d be amazed how much hate mail I’ve received over the years. (Yeah, I know – hate mail addressed to a guy trying to make the world friendlier? Go figure.) But I actually value it tremendously. After all, as customer service experts say, ‘A complaint is a blessing!’ First of all, it’s hilarious. And as you read in the last section, I’m a fun guy. Secondly, there were a few emails that gave me a much needed kick in the butt, making me aware of certain inconsistencies I didn’t see.

Lastly, as much as I don’t want to admit it, not everybody agrees with me on this whole nametag thing. And hey, that’s cool. I’ve come to terms with it over the past 1,635 days. But I’ve still stood my ground, even in the face of embarrassment, staring, humiliation or physically harm (yes, I’ve been beat up for wearing a nametag.) Why? Because I believe in what I do and it makes a difference in others’ lives. Ultimately, it makes me realize that Peter Montoya, author of The Brand Called You, was right when he said, ‘If everyone agrees with you, you’re doing something wrong.’

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

What values or practices do you apply that receive criticism from others?

It’s Not Who You Know, It’s Who Knows You
Let’s face it: if you wear a nametag all day, every day, wherever you go – you will stand out. And people will notice. I figured that out in the first few months. But I had no idea it would evolve into a writing, speaking and publishing business until after the first two years. And that’s when my accumulated visibility started working to my advantage.

Because once the company was up and running in 2003, it wasn’t just that people noticed me – people knew me. Whether it was someone in my community, a fellow member of an association or even a random stranger, it appeared that a lot of people knew I was the guy with the nametag. They knew I wanted to make the world friendlier. And now, they knew I had a book. It was all coming full circle! So, it’s like my friend Jeffery Gitomer says, ‘It’s not who you know – it’s who knows you.’ Amen to that, brother!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

In your industry, community or company – do a lot of people know you?

Angels Unaware
I’ve always held the belief that everyone can teach you something. That everyone has a story to tell. And that everyone can affect you in some way. So, by far the greatest advantage to wearing a nametag all the time was the opportunity to meet new people. People I wouldn’t have met otherwise. People that, often times, became friends of mine! It almost became addicting!

But one evening while riding the bus home from work, I met an angel. I met one of the most important persons in my entire business life. It was just…some guy. A regular dude who was sitting right next to me. We got to talking and eventually exchanged business cards after our brief conversation. He wished me luck on my upcoming book, and I wished him a Happy Holiday Season.

I had no idea his girlfriend was the editor of a local newspaper.

A week later she called to set up an interview, the result of which was a 4 page article that came out two days prior to the release of my first book!

Once that article came out, media outlets from around the globe called for interviews! I spent the next 6 months on a whirlwind media blitz, sharing my ideas – and my business – with the world! That 6 month period eventually led to the forming of my company, which is now in its third year.

And all because I said hello to a stranger. An angel of whom I was unaware. (See Hebrews 13:2.)

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

Have you ever met one person who created the ‘tipping point’ for your business?

Word Ownership
When I think of self-help, I think of Dr. Phil. When I think of customer service, I think of Nordstrom. When I think of marketing, I think of Seth Godin. And when I think of The Yellow Pages, I think of my brother, Steve.

Why?

It’s because each of those people are individuals who, in mind, have the most expertise about, and most association with that particular word. That’s called Top of Mind Awareness – or as I like to call it, Word Ownership.

With me, the word is obvious: nametag. If you Google the word ‘nametag,’ I’m the first page that shows up. If you hear someone say the word ‘nametag,’ you think of me. And after knowing me, reading my work or hearing me speak, you will never think about the word ‘nametag’ the same way again. That’s Word Ownership. Sure, it’s not a word used as often as marketing or customer service, but it’s mine. I own it.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

What word do you own?

Be Remarkable
Now, as I have progressed as a businessperson, Seth Godin (ibid) has become one of my favorite authors. His most famous book, Purple Cow, changed the face of marketing as we know it. If you haven’t read it yet, here’s the concept: in order to differentiate yourself in business, you must be remarkable. Remarkable is something worth making a remark about. And if you or your company can achieve remarkable status, people will do your marketing for you.

It’s so simple, it’s ridiculous.

And as it turned out, wearing a nametag, all day, every day for five years, was in fact, remarkable. But not according to me. It was according to CNN, USA Today, The Associated Press, The Washington Post, Paul Harvey, Headline News and The CBS Early show. Those were just a few of the international media outlets that did stories on it!

Now, I didn’t include that list to brag. I included that list because honestly, I have no idea how in the hell it happened. I spent a long time shaking my head, thinking to myself, I can’t believe it. But in the end, serendipity, luck and acts of God notwithstanding, maybe it happened simply because my idea was remarkable.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…

What facet of you or your business is remarkable?

The crazy thing is; all I did was put on a silly little nametag. And here I am; author, speaker, publisher and small business owner. Now, trust me, I ask myself that same question almost every day: How in the hell did all of this happen?

Maybe it was an accident.
Maybe it was smart marketing.
Maybe it was luck.

Or maybe it was the right idea, for the right person, at the right time, in the right place.

You can pick whichever answer makes the most sense to you. But I hope these business lessons I’ve learned from wearing a nametag will help you make your mark and do something unforgettable!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Who’s the most approachable person you know?

(This article also appeared in the July 2004 issue of the St. Louis Small Business Monthly)

Among all the media through which we communicate, voicemail always gets treated like the redheaded stepchild:

‘Hi this is Randy. Leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you.’

Gee, thanks Randy. It’s great to know you value my call. Oh, and I appreciate you sounding so enthusiastic and willing get back to me.

This is an example of a typical outgoing message that makes callers feel like they really are talking to a machine. Now, we all hear this cookie cutter message about a dozen times daily. And it doesn’t necessarily make a voicemail message bad; but it does mean the voicemail is not being fully leveraged.

So just because it’s a 20 second recording on your machine doesn’t mean it can’t be used to your advantage. And by your advantage I mean your caller’s advantage. Here are five techniques that will leverage boring, robotic voicemail into an engaging, fun and personable medium of communication. These tips will maximize the effectiveness of your voicemail so people will hang up the phone feeling glad that they called you.

Noise
Have you ever left a message on someone’s voicemail who obviously recorded their greeting in a car?

‘Hi you’ve reached the voicemail of (HONK!) I’m away from my (HEY WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOIN LADY!) but I’ll call you back as soon as I (SCREEEEECH!) Thank you.’

Beep.

Click.

Messages like these will make your callers feel unimportant. Messages like these will show your callers that you don’t care enough about them to spend 10 lousy minutes recording a clear message. Therefore, the first rule of transforming your voicemail is: get rid of the noise.

When you go into your office or home – shut the doors, turn the music and TV off, and record your message in absolute silence. Not unlike conversation, your voicemail is a medium of communication. And like any medium – robotic or otherwise – noise is a barrier.

Differentiation
Now that you’ve locked yourself in the closet with your phone, it’s time to figure out what you’re going to say. What’s more, how you’re going to say it. So think of your business cards, website, letterhead and promotional materials: what makes you stand out? Is it the slogan? The phrases? The company name?

Great example: I used to sell furniture at a family-owned store called City Liquidators. Every week, the owner would rerecord a new voicemail with one or two items that were an amazing deal. She did this so her customers – even without walking into the store – knew their prices were the lowest in town.

Unfortunately when it comes to voicemail, people just seem to go through the motions. They throw some generic message together and it stands out like a needle in a stack of needles. But remember: everyone has voicemail. Everyone. So what are you going to record that will allow your callers differentiate you from all those other ‘I’m away from my desk’ people out there?

Fun
Why can’t voicemail messages be fun? In search of an answer I recently consulted my Sprint PCS handbook. I found the following instructions under the section called ‘How to Record Your Outgoing Message’:

‘When recording outgoing voicemail message, remember to sound as unfriendly, boring and bland as possible to guarantee maximum robotic presence in the minds of your callers.’

Not bloody likely.

I have a friend whose greeting says, ‘Hey this is Jeffery. Leave me your 16 digit American Express Card number and I’ll get back to you soon. Thanks!’ Believe it or not – at least three people a day actually leave their credit card numbers for him! In fact, the first time I called him I gave him my card number too! Guess that explains the $2,000 bill on my statement.

But the advantage to a message like this is that it shows your true colors. And people love that. So, unless you actually are a robot – in which case I’d love to meet you – don’t sound like one. Sound like you. People like and want you.

Engagement
If you call either of my phone lines, this is what you’ll hear:

‘Hello, my name is Scott – and you have reached Front Porch Productions. Sorry I missed you; but leave me a message and IF you tell me your favorite cereal, I promise to call you back! Thanks, and we’ll talk soon.’

Now, I’m not exactly sure what prompted me to record a voicemail message about cereal. But to my surprise, my callers’ responses immediately transformed in regard to their level of engagement.

Some people told me about their favorite cereals, others discussed breakfast as a whole. Some callers said they didn’t care for cereal, while others reminisced about childhood memories of delicious treats that are longer available on the market.

This showed me that voicemail messages aren’t that different from conversation. People are still more willing to open up when they are asked a question that is open ended, fun and universally easy to relate to. What’s more, once personal preferences are revealed via self disclosure – trust, rapport and common points of interest will develop in the relationship. Not to mention, it’s easy to leverage someone’s message as a great ice breaker when you return their call!

Smile
Once you’re ready to rerecord your voicemail, there’s only one thing left to do: smile. I know, it sounds so simple. So cliché. So Dale Carnegie. But say the following sentence aloud: ‘I’ll get back with you in 24 hours.’

Ok, now…say the following sentence WITH A SMILE: ‘I’ll get back with you in 24 hours!’

Did that make you feel silly? Maybe.

Did that sound totally different? Probably.

But will that make your callers actually feel your smile through the phone? You better believe it.

There are two reasons to record your outgoing message with a smile. First, it will sound like you actually took the time to record your message instead of quickly spurting out a few words while merging onto the interstate. What’s more, people will sense that you do care about their call.

Secondly, you never know who’s going to call for the first time. Imagine getting a phone call from a new referral that has potential to generate a lot of business. She leaves a message and awaits your follow up. Now, odds are if you met them for the first time in person, you’d be smiling so much your ears would get crowded. Likewise, if your voicemail is the first time they hear your voice, speaking your smile is a great way to make a first impression. Even if you’re not there!

Results
Your voicemail is a communication tool that has untapped potential. If you take the time to rerecord an outgoing message that is different, fun, engaging, friendly and consistent with you or your business’s personality, here’s what will happen:

YOUR CALLERS WILL…smile as they leave a message.

YOUR CALLERS WILL…be able to separate your voicemail from the other 1000 they call every week.

YOUR CALLERS WILL…tell their friends about your voicemail.

YOUR CALLERS WILL…hang up feeling glad they called you.

YOUR CALLERS WILL…feel a connection with you because their interaction – even if it was with your voicemail – made them feel comfortable and engaged.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Who’s got the best voicemail you’ve ever heard?

I love lists. I make them for everything. And I’m not just talking about groceries, things to do this week or places to see before I die; but more important lists that help me learn about myself, my business and my life.

A few years ago when I began writing books, giving speeches and publishing articles, I became obsessed with lists; mainly because they’re easier for other people to follow, and easier for me to write. But the science behind lists is a fascinating thing.

It all started with my friend Ed. He once told me to make a list called ‘101 Goals for 2005.’ Wow, that’s a lot, I thought. It certainly puts those New Years Resolutions to shame! But coming up with 101 of anything is a lot. And over a period of two weeks, I finished my list. And as per Ed’s suggestion, I made the first item on my list ‘Write a list of 101 goals.’ When I was done, I crossed it off!

Then over the next few months, I looked at my list frequently. It kept my goals, dreams and desires in front of me; both business and personal. And I crossed new items off every week, accomplishing more than ever before!

Lists allow us to easily put information which belongs together in one place. They don’t prioritize, segment, or bias any one item; but rather allow us to simply get it all down on paper – and sometimes that’s the most important part of learning. In my case, I learned what goals I wanted to accomplish in 2005 – some of which I NEVER would have thought of otherwise. So, the beauty of lists is two sided: making the list, and using the list.

Organization
First of all, lists help you examine your ideas, thoughts and problems visually, often resulting in patterns. This works better than thinking or talking because humans remember that which appeals to their vision three times as well as any other sense. So, creating lists will widen the areas of your memory circuit and allow your information to become clearer.

Here’s a great example: try making a list of ‘10 Problems My Customers Complain About.’ This exercise will identify several key difficulties for which your business has solutions. Not to mention, this is great information to memorize for future conversation with those customers.

Creativity
If you read any resource, book or website on creativity, all of them will tell you the same thing: lists stimulate and challenge your creativity. Sure, it’s easy to pin down one answer to a problem or question. But what about 5? 7? 10? Forcing yourself to adhere to a set number of required items will generate greater depth and breadth of your ideas. Especially when you start making lists of 25, 50 and 100, you’re bound to stretch you mind to its very limits!

Capturing
Have you ever heard the scientific fact that ‘humans only use 10% of their brains’? Whether or not this is true, I don’t know. But I do believe each one of us has a stockpile of valuable ideas, experiences, memories and brain sparks that need to be leveraged for the purposes of learning. People have so much information in their minds that making lists can capture these valuable thoughts in a visible way.

This is great tactic to help you understand your own personal brand. My mentor, Shep Hyken, author of Moments of Magic and The Loyal Customer, once told me to write my own list called ‘Top Ten Reasons You Should Hire Me.’ Wow. I’d never really thought of myself in that way. And I admit, it was a difficult task.

‘Don’t just put ‘Because I’m nice,’’ Shep told me, ‘write a word or phrase, and then expand on it in a detailed paragraph.’

So…what are the Top Ten Reasons anyone would want to work with YOU?

If you’d like to view my list, go here

Learning
A few weeks ago my friend Ed – the same friend who challenged me to create that initial list of 101 Goals – summed up the issue perfectly.

‘Lists help you evaluate yourself. They allow you to ‘approach’ who you are as a person. It’s almost like building an INNER front porch…to yourself.’

Whoa. Somebody used my own term back to me! That blew my mind. But Ed was right! If a front porch increases approachability, and approachability is a function of knowledge and uncertainty, then creating lists about yourself invites YOU to get to know YOU.

Maybe we need to be more willing to approach ourselves. After all, Socrates once said, ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’ Here are a few of my favorite lists, all of which I’ve completed and update/cross off regularly. I encourage you to take some time in the next few weeks to write a few of them out:

50 Things You’re Grateful For

100 Things That Make You Happy

50 Things You Like About Yourself

25 Accomplishments I’m Proud Of

101 Goals for 2005

25 Best Pieces of Business Advice I Ever Got

50 of My Favorite Stories to Tell

10 Funniest Moments of My Life

A List of Everything You Want to Be

Any and All of Your Own Personal Theories

30 People, 30 Lessons

15 Things Your Customers Need to Know

10 Things You’re Good At or Know A Lot About

10 Ways You Like to Relax

7 Characteristics of Your Ideal Client

12 of the Stupidest Things You’ve Ever Done

12 of the Smartest Things You’ve Ever Done

Next time I’ll be sharing one of my favorites from the above list called ‘The 25 Best Pieces of Business Advice I’ve Ever Gotten.’ If you would like to contribute yours, feel free to email it to me. I’d love to read it.

Happy listing!

What would we do without our cell phones? Wow, there’s a scary question. It’s hard to imagine a world without them. But cell phones, connected as they may keep us, seem to have an amazing power to disturb and trump face to face interaction. For example, why is it that during a meal or a meeting, people insist on taking every call? Even worse, just let the phone ring? They forget all about the person across the table as if they were invisible!

This violates the golden rule of interpersonal communication, which is to make the other person feel like the most important person in the world.

The following is a list of cell phone do’s and don’ts that will help you avoid embarrassing yourself while still honoring the person across the table. (This information is NOT found in the 147 page Sprint PCS handbook.) Whether you’re at lunch or in a one-on-one meeting, use these etiquette tips to combat even the most enticing barriers that stand in your way of being an effective communicator.

DO…Be Subtle Yet Accessible
The three possible locations to keep your phone are: bag, belt or pocket. Many people chose to keep cell phones in their bags because of pocket-less wardrobes. If this is the case for you, be sure to choose a vibrating or single beep ring that is audible, yet minimal so it doesn’t ring seven times while you search through your bag.

Pockets and belt clips are the most efficient places to keep your phone because you are able to answer the ringer right away. Also you can silence the ringer right away. Remember, the last thing your friend or colleague wants to hear during the meeting is an annoying MIDI version of Beethoven’s 9th piercing his ears.

DO NOT…Lay Your Phone on the Table
The moment you sit down to lunch with someone, what’s the first thing you do? Check out the menu? Take a sip of water? Unfold your napkin? If you’re like me, you succumb to the power of the almighty carbohydrate and go to town on the rolls.

But imagine this: you sit down to eat only to watch the person across the table reach into her pocket, grab her cell phone, and smack it right down next to the salt shaker. Ouch.

Does that mean she has an emergency call coming in? Probably not. It sounds more like, as Jerry Seinfeld says, ‘I have 62 other people on speed dial that I could call if I wanted to; so you better be interesting.’ That is not the way to make someone feel important.

DO…Take Emergencies
If you know ahead of time that an incoming call is a business or personal emergency, answer it. This is what cell phones are for. But other than an emergency message or a call that directly affects all people the conversation at hand, there’s nobody calling you that can’t wait an hour for you to call him back. In the history of cell phones, nobody has ever said, ‘You were in a meeting?! And THEN you called me back?! How rude!’

DO NOT…Wear Phone Accessories During the Meeting
If you sit through an entire meeting wearing an earpiece, headset or any other hands-free-time-saving-quick-answer-annoying-accessory, you should be ashamed of yourself. That’s like taking your spouse to a singles bar!

Nonverbal communication speaks before you do. It accounts for 93% of your communication. So, along with eye contact, smiling and open body language – involvement shields like cell phone headsets can nonverbally send the wrong message, for example: ‘Please anticipate our meeting being interrupted by somebody more important than you.’

DO NOT…Let Your Phone Ring Twelve Times
Especially if your cell phone ring is audible from Jupiter, always silence the ringer after three beeps – or in some cases, symphonies. Odds are you’re annoying the heck out of someone else in the room, namely, the person sitting two feet across the table. Most cell phones have buttons on the outside that double as ring silencers. Use ‘em. Consult your manual and learn how to quickly silence your phone while it’s still in your pocket. If you happen to sport the Clint Eastwood Quick Draw Cell Phone Holster, great! Silencing should be even easier. No excuses.

DO…Turn It Off
A fool-proof solution to cell phone interruption is best personified by the words of Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid II. He said, ‘The best way to block a punch is to not be there.’ In other words, just turn your phone off. This is a great way to avoid incoming calls or the temptation to make outgoing calls.

DO NOT…Insult the Absent
Some people answer their phones during a meeting or meal and try to compensate for their rudeness by insulting the person on the other line – as if this makes up for it. They roll their eyes. They give you the ‘just a minute’ index finger. They impatiently bob their head back and forth to the rhythm of their boring conversation while forming their non-phone hand into the ‘Quack Quack’ gesture which symbolizes someone on the other line who won’t shut up. Meanwhile you’re sitting there like an idiot, feeling bad for the person on the other end of the phone, deciding whether or not you should have another roll.

DO…Wait for the Right Time
The best time to check missed calls that you politely silenced is when you or your colleague is away from the table. This will give you enough time to see what you missed, and if need be – return an emergency call. And if you must return the call immediately, don’t do it at the table. Politely say, ‘Please excuse me for a minute, but I have to take this call.’

Some sneaky people – my last date for example – pretend to use the bathroom for the sole purpose of making a phone call. This is an effective technique, but be careful. If you’ve had a few glasses of water, ten minutes later when you really do have to go, you’ll turn into ‘The Boy Who Cried Hello.’

DO NOT…Debate the Caller ID
Nothing is more frustrating than to be on the other end of the ‘Caller ID Debate.’ If you’re not familiar with this atrocity, here are the four steps. (1) They give you the ‘just a minute’ index finger, (2) They check their caller ID, (3) They tilt their head and stare at the phone for 2-5 seconds, and (4) They make a decision to answer the call or return to your conversation. This is terribly uncomfortable. You actually watch your friend (?) decide whether or not there’s someone else she’d rather talk to. Ouch.

The Bottom Line
Cell phones have become a primary form of communication. In fact, manufacturers will ship 585 million phones in 2004, according to a study from market watcher Strategy Analytics. But with every phone shipped comes a coefficient of frustration caused by improper etiquette. Show consideration for the person joining you and be mindful of ringers, accessories and incoming calls. And if you use your cell phone at the right time for the right reason, you will honor your company as an effective communicator.

Remember: don’t incur the opportunity cost of cell phone convenience at the expense of someone sitting right across the table. You’re sitting down with THEM. Talk to THEM!

Know your customer, know your customer, know your customer. Three very important rules of business. But let me ask you this: How well do your customers know YOU?

Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart, asked himself this important question several decades ago. His answer: employee nametags. So, he rolled out an initiative that required all of his employees to wear badges, the purpose of which was to ‘help the customers get to know the people they bought from.’

But helping customers ‘get to know you’ isn’t just about names, it’s about information. In other words, it’s about self-disclosure, which is the process of revealing your personal information to another.

This process starts with a small piece of information, i.e., your name. Then, as the relationship develops, it progresses into more intimate territory with the sharing of opinions, preferences and experiences. What’s more, because of its reciprocal nature, self-disclosure has incredible power. It creates comfort, establishes rapport, helps discover the CPI (Common Point of Interest) and builds trust between you and your customers.

I once worked at a mom-and-pop furniture store in Portland, Oregon. More so than any business I’ve ever walked into, the owners of City Liquidators leveraged self-disclosure to its fullest extent. You couldn’t step five feet into their store without seeing pictures of their family. The walls donned clippings from nostalgic newspaper articles and various personal memorabilia that brought the store to life!

As a result, shoppers who walked in the door felt like they personally knew the owners. Engaging conversations about children, families and growing up in Portland were frequent among the customers. And, the emotional connection sparked by these interactions helped the customers feel more comfortable while shopping – which ultimately secured their loyalty.

Not to mention, self-disclosure actually helps YOU get to know your customers better as well! Here’s another example. My friend Dennis is a doorman at the Ritz Carlton. He is a master of using self-disclosure to establish relationships with guests.

If a family with young children pulls into the front drive, Dennis always gets excited. (He has a young daughter himself.) And as soon as he extends his warm welcome to the arriving guests, he doesn’t hesitate to share information about his own family. Sometimes he’ll even show guests a picture! But Dennis knows that an effective way to learn about his customers is to educate them about himself first.

How well do your customers know you? Here are some ways you can use self-disclosure to create comfort and build rapport with buyers:

What’s Your Story?
How did you get your start in business? Did you ‘fall’ into your line of work? Perhaps there’s an interesting anecdote or event that caused the birth of your business. If so, this is called ‘Your Story,’ and it’s a fundamental tool for helping your customers get to know you.

Write it out. Practice saying it aloud. Make it funny. And tell it to everybody. Publish it on your marketing materials, and especially your website. Create a special page on your website called ‘Our Story,’ or ‘My Philosophy’ that shares this personal anecdote. On my website you can even watch a video of my story!

Start Blogging
A popular new medium through which to share your feelings, experiences and emotions is with a blog. I recently started HELLO, my name is Blog for my business, and it’s become a valuable tool to stimulate personal dialogue with potential customers. A blog is an online journal on which you can post comments, links, stories and articles. A blog is free and easy, and also a great way to let your customers know what’s going on in your life. And the best part about it is: they can post their comments too! Talk about self-disclosure!

For more information go to www.blogger.com; or do a search for any of the various blog providers in Google.

Recommend Resources
In your newsletter, on the phone or in person, recommend books, CD’s and other resources. Tell your customers how much these things have changed your life, your business and your relationships. If they take your advice, they’ll be more inclined to share their own experiences with you, not to mention you’ll soon have more things in common!

My friend Ed who works for Cornerstone Financial does this all the time. He spends a few hundred dollars a year buying copies of his favorite books for his customers. He tells them how the books improved his life in the hopes that his customers will reciprocate their similar experiences – which they do.

Your ability to educate your customers not only about your products and services, but about yourself, is critical to your success. If you follow these principles of self-disclosure and reciprocation, your customers will get to know you better than ever before! So, remember what my friend Jeffrey Gitomer says: it’s not what you know; it’s not WHO you know – it’s who knows YOU.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
On a scale from 1-10, how well do your customers know you?