Are you a Master of the Welcome?

Hope so.

Because the first words out of your mouth frame the entire customer experience.

Consider these two facts:

1. According to The Wall Street Journal from February 17th, 2006, you have less than five seconds to make a first impression.

2. According to a 2007 report on www.hotelexecutive.com, your greeting influences the customer’s perception more than any other act of engagement.

That’s how powerful your first words are.

With that in mind, let’s explore three ways to master the welcome so you can go from GREET to GREAT.

Phone Greetings
Aaron Jaslow, editor of the networking/marketing publication RainToday, shares a great example. ‘A family friend once founded a company called Quack Quack Productions. Needless to say, he picked up the phone every day and said, ‘Quack, Quack!’ I would have paid money to work there and answer the phones like that.’

Is your phone greeting that good?

So unique that complete strangers would call just to hear it?

So unique that people would want to work there just to use it?

GO FROM GREET TO GREAT: be unique and unforgettable in less than eight words.

Voicemail Greetings
So you miss a few calls. Big deal. You can still leverage your voicemail as an effective branding and service tool.

My friend Kenny Golde, filmmaker and owner of Fire Breathing Dragon, Inc., ends his voicemail greeting with, ‘And don’t forget to tell me your favorite movie!’

Callers love it. What’s more, they engage. Clients and prospects alike will go on for minutes. They share movie-related stories, favorites and preferences on a daily basis. What a great technique to get to know your callers!

Is your voicemail that good?

So good that your callers don’t want to hang up?

So good that it helps you learn customer preferences?

FROM GREET TO GREAT: rerecord your voicemail with a question.

Front Door Greetings
In the retail world, greetings are GOLD. As a former furniture salesman, I can attest to that!

Here’s an exercise: think about your store. Make a list called ‘Top Ten Most Common Greetings Customers Expect to Hear.’

Then make sure NOBODY uses any of them.

FACT: the most effective way to capture customers’ attention is to break their patterns.

The store at which I sold furniture was nuts. City Liquidators had three floors of couches, coffee and craziness. So, I would approach customers as they walked in the door and say, ‘Welcome to the circus!’

And they loved it.

Is your greeting unexpected?

So unexpected that customers stop in their tracks?

So unexpected that customers are instantly made comfortable?

FROM GREET TO GREAT: when you break a pattern, you make a sale.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you a Master of the Welcome?

Let the truth be known: I HATED wearing a nametag 24-7…for about the first six months.

I was stared at.
I was ridiculed.
I was called horrible names.
I was even challenged to a couple of fights!

And that was just my family.

Still, I kept my commitment. I vowed to wear a nametag all day, every day, for the rest of my life to encourage friendliness and approachability. No matter how uncomfortable it was. No matter how much bullshit I had to put up with.

But after a while, something happened: I began to learn new things.

Things I never could have read in any book, on any website or from any television program. All because I threw myself out there. Into that ever expanding abyss known as ‘Your Zone of Discomfort.’

Now, I know: there are already a million articles written about this cliché subject, right?

Actually it’s closer to 45,000. (I went onto Google and did a search for ‘step out of your comfort zone.’) But still, since you’ve no doubt read a few of those articles yourself, I’ll get right down to business: this stuff works! Let’s explore two examples…

What’s Your Name Again?
Here’s one of the biggest downfalls of wearing a nametag 24-7: since everyone in the world knows your name, they expect YOU will always remember THEIR names too!

This is literally impossible. According to Sigmund Freud’s basic writings, ‘A person’s name is the single context of human memory most apt to be forgotten.’

And yet, people still jokingly harass me when I screw up or forget their names!

How unfair!

Then again, I want to practice what I preach. And although this ‘assumed name reciprocation’ seems unfair, after a while I decided: well, I guess I have no choice. I must become AMAZING at remembering people’s names.

And believe me; I’ve butchered a name or two in my day. Talk about discomfort! I think it’s the worst feeling in the world. Especially for someone like me, whose books and speeches are supposed to spread the message of approachability.

But now, after six years and approximately 15,000+ nametag-related encounters, I’ve become a master at remembering names. Not because I used any particular memory trick or technique (although many of those methods were quite effective) but because the discomfort, or fear thereof, forced me to learn.

Make It Snappy
Too few businesspeople realize that in REAL networking, you’ll be rushed, caught off guard and asked unexpected questions. You’ll meet people on busses and in bathrooms. You’ll address three strangers at a time, get interrupted mid-commercial, and sometimes, you won’t get a chance to say a single word until the last five seconds of a conversation. And all the while, you won’t have time to decide whether or not you should give your Elevator Speech, 30 Second Commercial or Defining Statement!

In other words, you’ll be uncomfortable.

This reminds me of my first year as a nametag crusader, when I still didn’t quite ‘have it down.’ Initially, when people asked me why I was wearing a nametag, I’d start this ridiculously long, complex rant about friendliness, conversation, approachability and the like. Some people stuck around. Some people walked away. Some people thought I was crazy!

After a while it evolved into something called ‘The Old 13er,’ which I wrote about in my first book, HELLO, my name is Scott. My hypothesis was that I could explain why I was wearing a nametag to anyone, anytime, anywhere – in 13 seconds or less.

That worked for a while. But often times I’d stumble over my words or get interrupted mid-sentence. Not to mentioned I sounded like a robot, which didn’t effectively communicating my message. So eventually, I simplified it. From 60 seconds to 13 seconds to the shortened version: ‘I wear a nametag all the time to make people friendlier.’

And it stuck. No pun intended.

But it took four years to get to those few words. Four years of meeting thousands of people and uncomfortably stumbling around with my explanation. In other words, four years of practice. But now, I’ve got it down. Because that’s what happens when you constantly practice and experience uncomfortable situations. You get good. And I promise you, the more often you throw yourself into the sea; the less likely the waves are to bother you.

It Hurts So Good
Brian Tracy once said, ‘You will not grow unless it hurts.’

Now, this article isn’t necessarily about pain, although discomfort can be painful! But he makes a good point. So here’s what I want you to do:

1) Write out a list of three communication-based experiences in the last month that made you totally uncomfortable. Maybe it was an awkward pause in a conversation; perhaps a forgotten line during speech to a group subordinates, or even an incident when you blanked on someone’s first name ten seconds after meeting him.

2) When you complete your list of three, make sub-lists for each of the items called ‘Five Things I Learned From This Uncomfortable Experience.’

3) Do that each month for the next year.

Then remember the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, ‘Do something everyday that scares you.’

Because ultimately, that’s how you learn.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you learnig from discomfort on a daily basis?

Now that you have a better understanding of The Attitude of Awesome Hospitality™, (read that original article here) it’s time to put those concepts to work through your Actions of Awesome Hospitality™. These tips will help you manifest the power of approachability through your organizational front porches.

AWESOME ACTION #1: Go Beyond the Door
My friend, Pastor Bob Farr of the St. Peters Church of the Shepherd, told me about a man he encountered after the worship service one Sunday. Bob went into the lobby to say goodbye to some of his members. He noticed a man standing along by the coffee kiosk, so he approached him. He introduced himself and thanked him for coming.

In a reserved tone the guest said, “You know Pastor, I’ve been coming to this church for the past 9 weeks. I know I’m shy and all, but not one time has anyone said hello to me.”

“Really?” Bob asked, “You know, our staff works very hard to be hospitable and friendly to everyone – especially new members. I’m surprised nobody has approached you!”

“Well,” he continued, “I am usually greeted at the door when I walk in, but that’s it. Once I get through the lobby and into the service, I feel invisible. Anyway, this morning I told myself: today is the 10th and final time. It’s my last chance. And if nobody says anything, I’m outta here. But, thanks to your hospitality beyond the door, I think I’ll stick around.’

Have you ever felt this way – like someone made the initial effort to extend hospitality but their willingness trickled away after a few minutes? It’s kind of like ordering your food at a restaurant, getting the food delivered by your server, and never seeing her again until the check comes. (As if delivering the food was all that mattered.)

My good friend Shep Hyken, CSP who is a motivational speaker and author of The Loyal Customer and Moments of Magic, says that ‘someone’s assessment of excellent service is measured in proportion to the amount of time you spend after what’s basic, needed or expected.’ So not unlike ‘Going Beyond Hello’ in the Attitude of Awesome Hospitality™, the first step in the Actions of Awesome Hospitality™ is also Going Beyond – beyond the door, that is.

AWESOME ACTION #2: Talk to Strangers
One of the reasons we have difficulty going beyond the door and extending ourselves to The New Guy™ is because we’re afraid of talking to strangers. We live in a culture of fear that tells us strangers are different, so therefore they will hurt us. (Ironic, isn’t it – hospitality means ‘the love of strangers.’)

This fear has a way of manifesting itself into our actions. Take public speaking, for example. It’s the number one most common social phobia of humans. Why? Because they’re afraid of being negatively judged by others – and their performance is a reflection of that fear.

But do you know what the second most common social phobia among humans is? According to the Social Anxiety Association, it’s talking to strangers. Lyn Lofland, in her book A World of Strangers, explained it perfectly: ‘Active avoidance of contact is constantly boosted by the fear of contamination from those are not like us.’

Wow. Contamination. That’s a powerful word. Combine that with our inherent fear of rejection – albeit by a person we don’t even know – and it’s no wonder people don’t feel welcome at so many organizations!

But as the definition says, a stranger is someone with whom you have not yet been acquainted. So people make it out to be a lot scarier that it really is. And in the process of becoming an effective and engaging communicator one conversation at a time, you must have the courage to transform a stranger into a neighbor and neighbor into a friend. That’s what hospitality is all about.

AWESOME ACTION #3: Dismiss Judgment
A few days before giving one of my Awesome Hospitality into Authentic Relationships™ programs, I had dinner with my best friend (and mentor) William Jenkins. I asked him what he thought the major challenges to organizations were, to which he replied with this story:

‘Every year when I used to teach high school English, the administration would send us our student lists about a week before classes began. Some teachers – the moment they got their lists – marched right back upstairs and spent the next hour making roll changes. They selected specific students they didn’t want (or that didn’t seem to belong) in their classes and switched them out.

I, on the other hand, took that time to get a cup of coffee! In fact, I didn’t even look at my class list until the day classes began – because I was going to teach everybody the same.

Anytime someone new walks into the door, the room or the organization, dismiss your judgment about them. Even if they look like they won’t fit in – they still deserve your hospitality. And it all starts with that first step onto someone’s front porch.

AWESOME ACTION #4: Sacrifice Your Comfort
As I explained, the reason humans are so terrified of public speaking is because of the fear of being judged. But in addition to talking in front of scores of new faces, simply being in front of scores of new faces can be uncomfortable. And at every meeting of every organization, there’s a good chance The New Guy™ will experience this fear when they walk into their first meeting.

Let’s take your Professional Association, for example. Imagine your monthly meeting takes place on a cold, winter morning at your local banquet hall. All the board members, staff and veterans show up a few minutes ahead of time at about 7:45 A.M. (They gotta get the closest seats and the hottest food!)

At 8:06, when the program begins and most people have already sat down to eat, in walks Aly, a newly registered member. She’s already in a bad mood because she had to park seven blocks away. Huffing into a room full of strangers, hair out of place from the hike, she scopes out a place to sit. She feels terrible for showing up late and tries to be an inconspicuous as possible. To her dismay, there’s only one seat left: the one all the way in the front of the room.

Aly reluctantly makes her way up to the front, turning as beet red as everyone watches her every move. Finally, after whispering an apology to the speaker she was so excited to hear, she sits down and takes out her notebook.

Has that ever happened to you before?

It’s happened to me on a number of occasions. And not just because I have a non-existent sense of direction and couldn’t arrive on time if my life depended on it, but also because members are often unwilling to sacrifice their comfort for someone new.

So if you’ve been a member of an organization for six months, a year or five years – you’ve already become accustomed to the group. You’re all settled in. And you’ve had enough time to get comfortable. Now you must reinstate the Golden Rule for the sake of The New Guy™ and temporarily sacrifice your comfort. Extend awesome hospitality to that one person who so desperately needs to feel welcome; because if you don’t – they may never come back again.

And don’t assume other people – Greeters or otherwise – will do this. If everyone assumes someone else will take action, nobody will take action. That’s called diffusion of involvement.

Here some final Awesome Actions™ you can use to ensure the comfort of new members:

Give up your seat in the back

Park as far away as possible

Bring someone new into your conversation

Don’t buy a raffle ticket so they have a better chance of winning

Ask someone new to join your table

Invite them out with your group after the meeting

Allow the new person to talk as much as possible

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s the most hospitable church or temple you’ve ever been to?

The New Guy is a person we all know. And regardless of age, gender, race or personality – spotting The New Guy and stepping onto their front porch is your duty as an existing member of any organization. Here’s why:

You become an ambassador. If it’s their first time, your initial step onto their front porch will serve as a reflection of the welcoming nature of your organization. They’ll walk out of that meeting thinking: you know I felt right at home with that group. Those guys were really welcoming!

You make an UNFORGETTABLE™ first impression. Not only will you make an UNFORGETTABLE™ first impression for your organization, but you will leave your mark in The New Guy’s memory as ‘the first person who made them feel welcomed to the group.’ Do you remember the first person you talked to at one of your organizations? Call them right now and thank them.

You become a resource. Tell The New Guy all the ins and outs of the organization. Give them the scoop – in a non-gossipy way – about the group and all the people you know. This will help them determine who they’d like to meet in the future. Also offer yourself as an available contact for just about anything. Try saying, ‘Hey – I’ve been a member for a while now, so if you need anything or have any questions, I’m here for you.’ There’s no better feeling than the security of having at least one friend in a new organization.

How to Spot The New Guy
All New Guys adhere to a standard of New Guy Protocol. In this article, you’ll learn some of the most common behaviors that will empower you to extend hospitality to those who need it most. Remember, approachability is a two way street: you must be approachable to, and you must be the one to approach others.

Eye contact is the number one indicator that conversation is desirable. In other words, when people avoid eye contact, what they’re really avoiding is an interaction. So when you see The New Guy walk in to the room; stop dead in their tracks and a) stare blankly into space, b) check out every person that walks by and/or c) meticulously examine every crack in the beautiful white ceiling – it means they need you.

To get more specific on this type of New Guy Protocol, let’s examine a psychological barrier many New Guys put up called an involvement shield. It’s exactly what it sounds like: an object that keeps you involved and serves as a shield from communication. Think about this: why do people read books, listen to headphones or solve crosswords while riding the bus? Sure, those are all fun, enriching and engaging activities – but so is conversation. The only difference is, conversation actually requires another person; whereas these involvement shields are independent of interaction.

A perfect example of an involvement shield is the organization’s program. Whether it’s a church bulletin, speaker outline, announcement sheet or just the schedule of events, isn’t it amazing how long some people will spend with their noses buried in something so mundane? Do you honestly think The New Guy is SO immersed in that engaging, one page schedule of upcoming events that they’ve actually been re-reading it over and over for the past 12 minutes?

Or is it possible they’re staring blankly at the piece of paper thinking to themselves: okay the meeting should start pretty soon so if I just sit here and look like I’m completely involved with this stupid agenda nobody will come up and bother me and then I can eat my salad and get the heck out of here before anyone realizes I’m The New Guy.

Other common involvement shields are:

? Cell phones
? Promotional tables with information/giveaways
? Snack/buffet table
? Signage on the wall
? Centerpieces

Another behavior you’ll notice is that New Guys don’t often arrive with another member; although that is one effective technique for acclimating into the group. So because they’re usually on their own, it’s not uncommon for them to sit by themselves. Of course, don’t assume that someone who sits by themselves is new – their tablemate or friend may be in the bathroom or walking around the room somewhere.

Here’s a great tip: every meeting you attend, take a few minutes to look over the room. Find out who’s sitting alone. Take note of the seats on either side of the person to see if they’re taken. If it appears there’s room for one more, politely ask to join them. Most likely they’ll be thrilled you stepped onto their front porch and inform you about their association with the group.

Inconsistent clothing is another telltale sign that someone is new to the organization. If you belong to a group that maintains a causal and comfortable dress code and someone you’ve never seen before walks in with a three piece suit, you can bet he’s The New Guy. (Or the speaker!)

Also look for inconsistency in the nametags. Nametags are easy indicators of the level of someone’s involvement in a group. Depending on the organization, most board members, staff and veterans will have slightly different nametags than The New Guys. Some New Guys might not even have nametags!

Lastly, one of the toughest parts about being The New Guy is confusion about when to show up. You can look at the meeting time on the website, in the brochure or on the bulletin, but unless you’ve been there in the past, you won’t have the insider information on when most people arrive.

So if you get to the meeting and see someone who’s obviously been there for at least 15 minutes prior to your arrival, they’re probably new. Also, if during the program, a meeting, service or speech you observe someone sneak in the back of the room unnoticed by most of the audience – they’re also probably new.

It’s tough being The New Guy. It’s uncomfortable; you don’t know anyone and you stand out like a sore thumb. But we’ve all been there before. So past experiences motivate us to take it upon ourselves to become greeters and extend hospitality to those who need it most.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s the most hospitable church or temple you’ve ever been to?

Last week I spoke to the Greater St. Louis Dental Society. My session was filled with primarily hygienists, receptionists and chair-side assistants.

We explored something I call The OING Model.

OING represents four types of encounters between employees and patients, each of which is an opportunity to inject (no pun intended) a little more of your personality into each encounter.

About 160 people filled out index cards with potential lines, expressions and greetings that were a bit more creative, fun, unique and of course, approachable. Many of these suggestions are listed below, along with a brief description of each category. (Remember: not all of these are gold. It’s an exercise in creativity that brainstorms ideas to make your patients feel more comfortable in a more unforgettable environment.)

O – OPENER
Answering the phone in the office, possibly greeting a walk-in

• ‘This is Beth, I’m here to help…’
• ‘Smiles are our business, how can we make them yours?’
• ‘Good morning, and how can we help your child smile today?’
• ‘You have the pleasure of talking to Rena…’
• ‘Lovely morning to ya!’
• ‘World’s greatest dental office…’
• ‘This is your hunting dentist…’
• ‘Damn we’re good, when do you want to come in?’
• ‘Hello, flash us your smile…’

I – IN A MINUTE
Telling a patient you’ll be right with them during a busy time

• ‘I’ve lost my mind – you can help me find it in just a sec…’
• ‘OK, give me two seconds. Start counting…NOW!’
• ‘I’ll be with you as soon as I catch this kid…’
• ‘You’ll be the next smile taken care of.’
• ‘I’ll give you a chance to bite me in just a minute.’

N – NEXT
Inviting the next patient in line to enter the office

• ‘Are you ready for the best cleaning of your life?’
• ‘Hurry or I’ll start without you!’
• ‘Come on in, your smile is waiting!’
• ‘Get moving!’
• ‘Ready or not, here I come!’
• ‘Did you draw straws?’
• ‘Did you flip a coin?’
• ‘Are you ready to rock and roll?’
• ‘Come on down! You’re the next contestant at…’
• ‘Let’s get this party started!’
• ‘My superpowers have been recharged: I’m ready for you now!’

G – GOODBYE
As patients exit the office, you give them a lasting impression

• ‘Don’t forget to scrub them bugs away!’
• ‘We’ll see you in 6 months or 6,000 smiles!’
• ‘Power to the Plaque Miester!’
• ‘I’m so glad you got to see me!’
• ‘See ya later alligator!’
• ‘Alright, I’m finished picking on you.’

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Do you OING?

You see him from across the room. You know him, but you can’t remember how you know him. Now you have a problem: you want to break the ice but your uncertainty is holding you back. Uh oh, he’s heading in your direction. What do you do?!

If you’ve ever been in this situation before, you know how uncomfortable it can get – especially if you really should know who the person is. What’s more, it’s not uncommon to evade those whom you cannot remember for the fear of embarrassment.

But your uncertainty shouldn’t generate a ‘Please Don’t Let This Person Talk To Me’ attitude. That would hinder your approachability. People forget people everyday. But with the right attitude, questioning, conversational direction and communication tools, the following techniques will help you pinpoint who you’re talking to without risking total embarrassment.

Attitude
Like every other skill in the world, this too starts with attitude. Don’t dwell on the fact that you have no idea who the heck you’re talking to. Empty your mind of distracting thoughts like, ‘This guy’s office has been down the hall from mine for 11 years,’ or ‘How could I forget her name? She’s my sister!’ These self-loathing thoughts will impede you from actively listening to what people are saying, the contents of which may contain a valuable clue.

So don’t feel bad when you blank on someone’s name, occupation or the time when you first met. Remember: everyone’s been there before. It’s not the end of the world!

Iceberg Right Ahead
Here’s a full-proof tool for figuring out who people are. You can’t buy it at a store or find it in a Land’s End Catalog. In fact, every year millions of people fail to communicate effectively because they forget to use this tool. So if you want to learn information about the person you’re talking to, open up. Your ears, that is.

Listen for iceberg statements. These are key words, phrases or sentences under which 90% of the important information awaits your discovery. But be patient. And as soon as you hear that iceberg statement, follow it up with a probing question that will dive beneath the surface. In time, what you need to remember about someone will be revealed to you.

Know the Questions, Not the Answers
Let’s say you’re already talking to someone, but you can’t remember who they are. And, you aren’t comfortable admitting to your memory lapse. In this situation, the most effective technique is to ask open ended questions to encourage people to disclose who they are.

But beware! Don’t get haunted by the ‘How Are You Ghost.’ He’ll get you every time! Instead, ask open ended, not overly specific questions that probe for information. More often than not, your inquiry will empower them to open up and something will jar your memory.

For example, imagine that you can’t remember where someone works. Simply ask her questions that allude to general scheduling like, ‘What’s on tap for this week?’ or ‘What projects are keeping you busy?’ Another great topic that’s bound to narrow down job possibilities is travel: ‘Any trips or travel plans coming up?’

Offer Free Information First
In a classic episode of Seinfeld, Jerry was unsure of a certain woman’s name. So, during their conversation he told a story about various nicknames he had as a kid. Then he asked her if she had any nicknames. This is a great example (albeit an over exaggerated one) of how self-disclosure provides an outlet through which one party will reveal the exact same information that is so desperately needed by the other.

Therefore, if you need to know a specific fact about someone, offer your free information first. Make a reference to that which you seek to discover and follow it with an inquiry that will empower the other person to reveal the same. And because self-disclosure is reciprocal, you will hear key words and phrases that will restore your memory and rescue you from embarrassment.

Use a Third Party
Every book written on how to remember names, faces, people, etc. will tell you to introduce them to a third party. This works every time. If you can’t place a person’s name, position, company, family, then use your socializing skills to bring two new people together. Tell the person whose information you’ve misplaced, ‘I’d like you to meet a friend of mine. This is Gary, we work together at Amcorp.’ (Before you do this, signal or whisper to Gary that you need his help with the other person’s information.) Gary, being the polite conversationalist he is, will elicit an introduction and a conversation that will eventually draw out the information you need.

Now, if someone across the room catches your eye but you can’t seem to remember them, third parties are perfect for pre-conversation preparation. Before approaching the pseudo-stranger, find someone else you KNOW and ask them all about your forgotten friend. With a few simple questions, you will easily gain the knowledge to become more approachable so you can connect and communicate with anybody – even the people you forgot.

Use Props
If you’ve reached a point in the conversation where you don’t feel comfortable admitting you forgot, can’t think of any open ended questions or don’t have access to a third party, there’s always props. The most effective prop is someone’s business card. It contains all the pertinent names, logos, websites and other visual ‘Ah ha’s!’ that will lubricate the hamster wheel known as your brain. But don’t tell them you lost their card – that’s just as bad as saying you ‘forgot’ their name. Simply request another card and quickly glace at it while you thank them and put it in your pocket.

Depending on where you are, dozens of other props are useful for jarring your memory as well: nametags, promotional items, briefcases, table tents, etc. The point is that people remember that which appeals to their visual sense three times more than the other senses. So use props when you can!

Honesty is the Best Policy
The easiest and most gracious technique for finding out how you know someone is honesty. It’s always the best policy. And it’s like the old saying goes: ‘If you’re honest, you don’t have to remember anything.’ Now obviously, the willingness to admit you’ve forgotten something – or in this case, someone – is not an easy thing to do. In fact, sometimes it’s downright humiliating! But honesty is the quickest way to solve a conversational mystery. So if you don’t have a problem flat-out telling people you can’t remember who they are or how you know them, here’s how to take one for the team.

First and foremost, DON’T say the word ‘forget.’ That will only make someone feel unimportant. It’s less offensive when you use polite verbiage that downplays the idea of ‘forgetting’ with such phrases as ‘Please remind me,’ ‘Could you help me with,’ ‘I’m terrible with remembering,’ and ‘It slipped my mind.’ People will be glad to offer the information you have misplaced in exchange for you admittance of a temporary brain poof.

I Know I Know You
The longer you interact without knowing who you’re talking to, the more uncomfortable you will become. Uncertainty is a communication barrier that hinders approachability, and the only way to reduce it is to identify and extract information about people. Use the techniques of questioning, free information, third parties, props and active listening. (If all else fails, just admit that you’ve suffered a memory lapse!) And with practice and the right attitude, you’ll never have to say ‘There goes what’s-her-name from that thing with the guy at the place’ again.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Have you ever done detective work to figure out who someone was?

‘Next!’
‘Checking in…?’
‘Here or To-Go?’

Isn’t it frustrating when those are the first words that come out of a front line employee’s mouth? As if they didn’t want to take the time, or couldn’t care less about offering a friendly, approachable greeting to the customer. Meanwhile, the next guy waiting in line thinks to himself, ‘Gee, thanks for the warm welcome. Nice first impression.’

SAD BUT TRUE FACT: the first impression window is narrowing.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this social trend since I was interviewed by the Wall Street Journal on the topic. The reporter and I discussed this “window,” and I mentioned my research on hundreds of books on first impressions.

MY THEORY: As years go by, we seem to have less and less time to make a first impression.

Consider these numbers:

•In the 80’s and 90’s, NLP authors like Nicholas Boothman claimed you only had 90 seconds to make a first impression

•By the time the new millennium hit, you only had four seconds, according to hundreds of articles

•In 2005, Malcom Gladwell’s bestselling book Blink explained that people made first impressions in TWO seconds

•This year, an article from The BBC quoted a study which explained that Internet surfers form an impression ‘in one 20th of a second of viewing a webpage’

It kind of makes you wonder: as technology accelerates and as time goes on, will people eventually have ZERO seconds to make a first impression?

Ok, just kidding.

But think back to the guy waiting in line at the counter: if employees only have a few seconds to make a first impression anyway, why would the first words out of their mouths be so unfriendly?

I used to work at the Ritz Carlton. We were trained to eliminate the word ‘Hello’ from our vocabulary. It was always ‘Good morning!’ or ‘Welcome in!’

What ever happened to phraseology like that? Have we become so rushed, so programmed, so unfriendly, so unapproachable and so robotic that we can’t sincerely take the time to offer a customer a warm welcome?

Nevertheless, the following list of substitute phrases will make the first words out of your mouth UNFORGETTABLE:

Instead of ‘Next,’ try:

•‘Step right up!’
•‘Come on down!’ (that one’s for you, Bob Barker)
•‘Don’t be shy!’

Instead of ‘Checking in?’ try:

•‘You finally made it!’
•‘Welcome to paradise!’
•‘Everyone’s been waiting for you!’

Now, if you have a standard protocol for greetings, that’s understandable. You don’t want to piss of your boss. On the other hand, if you say, “Step right up,” and your customer starts laughing before he even begins the transaction, I seriously doubt your boss will say, “Johnson! Stick with the script!”

Look, these phrases work. I’ve used them thousands of times in my retail, food and guest service experience, and customers love them. They’re funny. They’re memorable. Most of all, they’re different. And that’s the whole point: not only to give your customers a brief encounter or experience that’s both friendly AND memorable; but also to communicate in a way so others can’t help but pay attention to and remember you.

After all, if you only have two seconds anyway, you may as well have a little fun!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s the best welcome/opener you’ve ever heard?

“Hey Scott, would you like to go to a Bad Sweater Party this weekend?’

‘A what party?!’ I said.

‘A Bad Sweater Party. Wait a minute…you mean to tell me you’ve never been to a Bad Sweater Party before?’ asked Amber.

‘Guess not,’ I admitted.

A Bad Sweater Party is exactly what you think it is: A party at which the guests wear bad sweaters.

Nobody can be certain where this idea originated. It’s possible that it came about during the 80’s when ALL sweaters were bad sweaters. Nevertheless, my first Bad Sweater Party experience was, without a doubt, one of the most enjoyable nights I have ever had. (And I only knew one person there!)

One week before the party I began to plan out my wardrobe. Looking through my drawers, I couldn’t find anything that could have been classified as a ‘bad sweater.’ At least, that’s what I told myself. I figured that since the bulk of the bad sweaters in the world were worn between 1971 and 1994, a thrift store was my best bet for scoring some particularly heinous gear.

When I went to my local Goodwill I approached the counter and asked, ‘Hi, I’m looking for the ugliest, most out dated, eye sore of a sweater known to man – got anything like that?”

‘You must be going to a bad sweater party, huh?’

‘Yeah, how did you know that!?’

‘I’ve been to a few myself – they’re loads of a fun. Come on, let’s see what piece of crap we can find for you today sir.’

After a good 20 minutes of searching, I found my sweater. I was so bad, it was beautiful! It looked like something your colorblind grandfather wore at a holiday Christmas Party in 1972 that, if it were any tighter, might have also doubled as a leotard.

And I loved it.

‘I’ll take it!’ I said.

Two dollars and forty nine cents later, Amber and I arrived at the Bad Sweater Party. She sported a purple, blue and turquoise gem that could have easily been stolen from the wardrobe room of the Cosby Show. And although I was slightly self conscious about the skin-tightness of my snowflake laden top – as well as not knowing anybody there – everything changed when we walked in the door…

‘Hey!! What’s up guys, come on in!’ said the host, ‘Wow those are the ugliest sweaters I’ve ever seen! I love ‘em!’

‘Thanks man! Your sweater sucks too! My name is Scott – I’m a friend of Amber’s.”

‘Well it’s great to meet you, thanks for dressing up! I’m Joe, welcome to my house.’

When I walked in, I saw sweaters of every decade, every color, every style and every brand. It almost became a game to see who could have the worst sweater of all. But the best part was – the sweaters were horrible, and nobody seemed to care! The crowd was booming with laughter and beaming with positive energy. Everyone talked to everyone. Everyone complimented everyone. And for the next four hours, I experienced the most unbelievable sense of ease, comfort and approachability with a group of complete strangers.

When I got home later that night, I realized that any time you use party themes – especially outrageous ones – they have an invaluable effect on the connectedness of the guests:

Invite Only
How many times have you been invited to a party that didn’t sound that inviting?

‘Robbie’s having a party on Saturday – you should come.’

Great, see ya there.

On the other hand, when you hear about a theme party, it entices you:

‘Come over to Robbie’s on Saturday for his annual Bad Sweater Party!’

Now that sounds like fun!

Preparation Solidifies Commitment
Themes also encourage people to go the extra mile. I remember asking other partiers where they had gotten their bad sweaters. Some told me they shopped at local vintage stores; others said they raided their parents’ closets while some even bought them on Ebay! But because they RSVP’ed, and because they searched or even bought a bad sweater, everyone was sure to have fun and stay late.

What Should I Wear?
Think about the big question guests ask before attending any party:

‘What’s the dress code?’

This always creates ambiguity and often times, improper dress – over or under – can cause guests to feel uncomfortable and therefore unwilling to communicate. But with a theme, you know exactly what to wear, i.e., a bad sweater.

Apprehension
Themes enhance parties and events because they reduce uncertainty, which is one of the major barriers to communication. The reason people often feel so uncomfortable at parties is because they don’t “fit in.” But when everyone makes the effort to adhere to the theme, everybody fits in, no matter who they are, where they came from or how many people they know.

Breaking the Ice
Think of all the parties you attended where people just sat around and stared at the wall. Exciting, huh?

Obviously it’s true what Adam Sandler said, ‘Initiating the conversation is half the battle.’ The most effective way to break the ice at a party is to discuss your connection to the host – this generates a CPI, or common point of interest.

But with a theme party, the CPI is already established before you walk in the door. It’s impossible not to socialize with everyone. You can break the ice with anybody, anytime!

How do You Connect Your Guests?
Incorporating a theme into parties and meetings allows your guests to significantly increase their comfort level, approachability and friendliness. The Bad Sweater Party is merely one of many examples, so begin thinking of some theme ideas for your next event. Do this, and you’ll never have to hear the phrase “that party sucked last night,” again.

To view some excellent pictures of one particular Bad Sweater Party, click here

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Have you ever been to a theme party?

Hospitality comes from the Latin term philoxenia, or ‘the love of strangers.’ And stranger is defined as ‘someone with whom you have not yet been acquainted.’ Therefore, your objective as a builder of organizational front porches is to extend love to those with whom you have not yet been acquainted.

The effectiveness of any organization’s front porch is a function of its hospitality – that of its members, its staff and the group itself. In this article we’ll take a closer look at approachability as it pertains to the connectedness of groups – namely, The New Guys; because those are the individuals who benefit from it the most.

When I began wearing a nametag all day, every day, the type of people with whom I most frequently interacted was strangers. (They still are) And I love it! It’s a blessing to extend my front porch to new and interesting people, all the while making them feel comfortable because of the level of approachability. What’s more, what an accomplishment it is to combat the coarsening of our fear-laden culture by opening up to new people.

But when I started my business a few years ago, I joined several organizations, clubs, groups, etc. and began to feel the reciprocity of that same hospitality. As The New Guy – not to mention the young guy – existing members welcomed me with open arms. They gave me the inside track on the organization. Some even offered to take me under their wing! And I was grateful. I was comfortable.

Most importantly, I felt welcomed.

To solidify the approachability of you and your organization, here are the Attitudes of Awesome Hospitality™.

AWESOME ATTITUDE #1: Beyond Hello
People often believe that a quick greeting, a handshake and a mutual offering of Fruitless Questions and F.I.N.E’s equals hospitality.

False.

Hospitality is more than just saying hello. And nobody understands this element of hospitality better than a Ritz Carlton employee – especially a doorman; especially my coworker DeWitt.

The first time I met DeWitt was on a crisp fall morning on the front drive. I introduced myself and he gave me a solid handshake, a cheeky smile and pat on the back. He started telling me all about hospitality and Guest Service at the Ritz, and gave me some great tips to make the guests feel welcome.

After a few hours of check-ins and getting to know each other, DeWitt said something I’ll never forget:

‘Scott, I want to sell you a boat.’

‘You…want to sell me…a boat? Oh-kayyy…what kind of boat…?’

‘Well, it’s actually not really boat. It’s more of a ship: Friendship, Fellowship and Relationship. What do you say?’

I’ll take it.

That is the essence of Awesome Hospitality. Not just saying hello. Not just introducing yourself, but offering a new person your friendship, fellowship and relationship.

AWESOME ATTITUDE #2: How to Treat Others
Hospitality is also an expression of the Golden Rule, which as you know is ‘treat others as you want to be treated.’ Everyone knows this phrase. It’s been ingrained into our minds and souls by our parents, our teachers and our mentors.

But does everyone practice the Golden Rule?

Here’s another way to look at it: do you remember when YOU were The New Guy? Did people extend themselves? Did you feel welcomed? If so, you probably connected with new people immediately, took an active role in the organization and felt proud to be a part of it. If not, you probably never came back to another meeting again.

So you can put this phrase into practice by empathizing with the new people, the visitors and guests. Think how great it felt to be welcomed in. Remember: you used to be The New Guy.

AWESOME ATTITUDE #3: The Member Mindset
It’s impossible to talk about any organization without using the word member. Think of the groups of which you are a member – what does that mean to you?

You might say ‘Being a member allows me to be part of the group,’ or ‘Being a member means I get to go to all the meetings.’ But most people see membership as entitlement:

Members are entitled to…

Here’s what you get with your membership…

These are the benefits to being a member…

I looked up member in several dictionaries and none of them said anything about entitlement. They didn’t say anything about paying dues so you could get exclusive benefits. They simply defined it as “one that belongs to a group or an organization.”

When did this Member Mindset evolve into ‘What stuff do I get when I join?’ People forget that being part of an organization has more to do with serving others, and less to do with being served by others.

AWESOME ATTITUDE #4: Who Are Your Greeters?
If there’s any group of individuals who extend their organizational front porch by serving new people, it’s the Greeters. During one of my speeches at a Hospitality Conference, I asked my audience of 300 people to stand up if their position was ‘Greeter.’

About 25 people got up.

I thanked those who stood and asked the remainder of the audience to give them a hearty applause.

When the clapping died down I said, ‘Without Greeters like these, building front porches in any organization would be tough.’

I then said, ‘But what if The New Guy – let’s call him Terry – came to your group. He walked in the door, looked around for a minute and felt a bit lost. Then Janet, an existing member, noticed Terry’s behavior and decided to approach him. She struck up a conversation and they connected immediately! And all the while, Janet made Terry feel welcomed, comfortable and part of the group.

A few minutes later, Terry asked, ‘So, Janet…are you one of the Greeters here?’

And Janet said, ‘No – I just wanted to welcome you to our group.’’

I just wanted to welcome you to our group.

I then repeated my original request to the audience:

‘Now, let me ask you this one more time: please stand up if you are a Greeter for your organization.’

300 people got up out of their chairs. And I reminded them that everyone is a greeter.

These are the keys to the Attitude of Awesome Hospitality™ – going beyond hello, treating others as you would want to be treated, offering service and taking it upon yourself to be a greeter. They are the starting points for the construction of your organizational front porch. After all, one of the major domains of approachability is: capable of being reached.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s the most hospitable church or temple you’ve ever been to?