Have you ever stared at yourself in the mirror, half-naked, for ninety minutes straight?

It’s painful.

Not physically. But emotionally and spiritually? MAN. It hurts like hell.

That’s why I love practicing yoga: There’s no escape.

No leaving the room. No averting your gaze. No shutting your eyes.

Just a forced confrontation with your physical truth – scars, stretch marks, badonkadonks and all.

And I think that’s part of the appeal. Yoga keeps you honest. Vulnerable. Human.

THE CHALLENGE IS: It’s easy to execute those virtues in a nice warm room with your cushy little yoga mat and nice cold bottle of Gatorade.

But when you get out into the real world, it’s not so easy…

Honesty, vulnerability and humanity threaten the status quo. And in our fear-based, trust-deficient and technology-governed culture, most people aren’t ready to handle that kind of attitudinal shift yet.

Which is a problem, because too many people are becoming alienated from their truth.

THEREFORE: Your duty as a leader is to wake people up by (first) waking yourself up.

You don’t even have practice yoga to do so. Staring at yourself in a mirror, half-naked, for ninety minutes straight isn’t the only doorway to authenticity.

The secret is to influence and inspire people THROUGH your imperfection and inadequacy, not in spite OF it.

Today we’re going to explore eleven ways to do so:

1. Acknowledge and embrace all aspects of who you are. That’s the first step – to admit your truths. The good, the bad AND the hideous. Whether you’re interacting with employees, clients, guests, attendees, colleagues, members, congregants, friends and students – even your own kids – the same universal principle applies.

My suggestion: The earlier, the better. Doing so builds a foundation of credibility and trust, plus it subconsciously grants other people permission to feel comfortable in their truth too. Remember: Living falsehoods is EXHAUSTING. How much extra energy would you conserve if you chose to honor your truth more often? Have you made the choice to take extreme care for your authentic selfhood?

2. Probe your darkness. If you dare, that is. If you’re willing to come face to face with the ugliness that is your Truth. If you’re willing to open the door to yourself and see who the hell you really are. If you’re willing to make friends with all aspects of yourself. Like my yoga instructor says, “Look at yourself in the mirror non-judgmentally. As a reflection and nothing else.”

That’s the next step in developing a working relationship with your screw-ups. It’s not easy but necessary; not fun but fundamental, and not comfortable but constructive. The good news is, once you open the door to your imperfect nature and remove that which blocks the path of truth, the selfhood on which you stand will support you. And you’ll live from the place where nobody can touch you. What shadowy parts of your life are you withholding? Have you made friends with all aspects of yourself? And do you have the courage and ability to show yourself as you truly are?

3. Recognize your shadow. You know that dark spot on your truth? That flawed corner of your character? Love it. Embrace it. Hell, even share it. It’s a crucial component to your humanity, and if you’re not willing to honor and own it, you’re just another chickenshit peddler of personal falsehood.

As Parker Palmer beautifully says, “We will become better not by trying to fill the potholes in our souls but by knowing them so well that we can avoid falling into them.” What potholes in your life are you avoiding? Have you met the darkness within yourself? And what would be the worst thing that could happen if you opened the door to your truth?

4. Be willing to talk about that shadow. You know, the stuff you’re terrified for people to know about you? Yep. It’s time for a Skeleton Party. (I’ll bring cake.) As Sidney Jourard explained in Self-Disclosure, “No man can come to know himself except as a outcome of disclosing himself to another person. Encounters help your to sharpen your sense of your own identity.”

SO: Embrace and endorse your weaknesses. Dare to convey your essence. You’ll establish your acceptance of the imperfect humanness of others. What’s more, when you talk about your darkness, you increase contact with your true self, and, ironically, shed light on what you (really) need to see. Do you have the guts and to show yourself off? When are you most true to yourself? And what are you afraid to know about yourself?

5. Acknowledge your slips. My favorite Nirvana lyric comes from the tune Lithium, where Cobain hauntingly sang, “I’m so ugly, but that’s OK cause so are you.” So, the takeaway is: You’re not perfect. Nobody is. Which, in a sort of Zen way, means that EVERYONE is perfect.

That brings me back to another element of yoga: It transcends body style. No airbrushing allowed. Walk into any studio around the world an you’ll immediately notice the diversity: Fat people, skinny people; big boobs, small boobs; muscular butts, saggy butts.

And that’s just the men.

Here’s what I’ve observed: The people who come off as too perfect and too disciplined and “too” anything are either annoying or lying. What’s worse, when you’re perceived as TOO good, TOO perfect, TOO calculated, TOO impressive, TOO good looking, TOO whatever – people start to wonder. They also start to question. “Is this guy for real?” “How can I compare to that?” “Who’s supposed to relate to this?”

Remember: If people are too busy questioning you; that means they’re not listening to you. On other hand, when you have the self-confidence to acknowledge your slips, you become kind of person people listen TO and are inspired BY. Are you too perfect? Is your suffering too glorious and therefore unrelatable? And do you listen to the way you speak to yourself when you make mistakes?

6. Lead with vulnerability. The willingness to admit that you’re shaking in your sandals instantly humanizes you. Contrary to popular conditioning, vulnerability is attractive. Vulnerability is approachable. Vulnerability is strength.

And, when you have the courage and candor to integrate that openness into your daily conversations, two things happen: (1) you grant people permission to disclose their own vulnerabilities, and (2) they will respond to, and have more respect for you. Remember: Yikes leads to YES. Are someone others can be vulnerable in front of? Do you give people permission to be imperfect? And how are you turning vulnerability into profitability?

7. Practice self-disclosing weaknesses. Look, incompleteness and imperfection are part of life. The secret is learning to be honest about your inadequacies. When you do this, it increases your credibility. That’s what’s great about the yoga mirror. It’s terrifying and difficult for many to see, but it’s great practice with non-judgmental acceptance for all.

The cool part is, the more often you practice being honest with YOURSELF about yourself – yoga or no yoga – the more often you can do so with others. The challenge, of course, is first being courageous enough to look squarely at your own screw-ups, imperfection and vulnerabilities. What’s your system for practicing constant self-confrontation? When was the last time you sat uninterrupted and quiet with just your thoughts?

8. Practice radical honesty. Honesty is much more than simply “not telling a lie.” Honesty is about telling THEE truth, honoring YOUR truth and respecting OTHER PEOPLE’S truth. My suggestion: Start by being microscopically truthful. That’s where honesty shines the brightest. In those little moments where lying would probably be easier and quicker.

Next, try trading honesty for being right. Be willing to look like a complete and inconsistent idiot to practice what Gandhi called “living as close to truth as possible.” People will listen. People will follow. Are you terminally unique? Is your honesty perceived as being self-righteous? And are you really committed, or are you just trying to avoid cognitive dissonance?

9. Practice self-deprecating humor. Few practices of expressing your imperfection are more effective than making fun of yourself. Personally, I do this on a daily basis. Mainly because I have oceans of material.

And what I’ve learned is, self-deprecating humor neutralizes conflict. It makes others want to be around you. It’s a key indicator of emotional intelligence. It defuses an otherwise tense or difficult situation. It combines modesty and likeability, while at the same time demonstrating that confidence and self-assurance. Ultimately, when you own (and share) your truth, nothing in the world is viewed as a threat to your sense of self. What a relief! How seriously do you take yourself? Are you the butt of your own jokes? And when was the last time you one-downed somebody?

10. Practice integrating your humanity into your role. I suggest you learn to communicate less perfectly. Eloquence comes (not) from flawlessness but from communicating your Truth in a way that’s relatable, digestible and influential. See, unless you regularly exert your ordinariness, people wall have a hard time spotting your humanity.

There’s a balance. It’s between being admirable; yet relatable. Not being utterly boring; yet not being terminally unique. For more examples of this leadership practice, check out this handy guide to becoming a human being. Are you a robot? How well do you merge ordinariness with remarkability? When does the feeling of formality keep you from communicating freely and honestly?

11. Reduce the distance. Ultimately, approachability means, “to come nearer to.” So, your challenge is to narrow the gap. To melt away the layers that clog, contaminate or close off the communication channels between you and … whoever.

Suggestion: Stop thinking OF – or presenting yourself AS – better, smarter or cooler than the people you lead. You will lose. People are inspired and influenced by those who are grounded. It is a person’s faults that make her likable. Does your life take place in the opening or the closing? How naked are you willing to be? And how are you leveraging your vulnerabilities to gain people’s trust?

OK! Quick summary of the eleven ways to influence and inspire through imperfection and inadequacy:

1. Acknowledge and embrace all aspects of who you are.
2. Probe your darkness.
3. Recognize and visit your shadow.
4. Be willing to talk about that shadow.
5. Acknowledge your slips.
6. Lead with vulnerability.
7. Practice radical honesty.
8. Practice self-deprecating humor.
9. Practice self-disclosing weaknesses.
10. Practice integrating your humanity into your leadership role.
11. Reduce the distance.

As we finish up, I’d like to share a lyric from another one of my favorite songwriters, Glen Phillips. In the song, I Still Love You, he sings the following:

“I’ve seen the dark spot on your soul. I’ve felt you cruel. I’ve held you cold. I know the parts of you that you don’t think you show. But I still love you.”

REMEMBER: You will influence & inspire people (not) in spite of, but because of your imperfection & inadequacy.

That’s your responsibility as a leader: To wake people up.

And it starts with waking YOURSELF up first.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take my orange spandex out of the dryer and head over to the yoga studio.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Is your perfection repelling people?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “23 Ways to Bring More of Yourself to Any Situation,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

Everyone has peeps.

No, not those cute little marshmallow birds you buy on Easter and stick in the microwave until they explode.

I’m talking about your PEOPLE.

Employees. Clients. Guests. Fans. Readers. Listeners. Viewers. Attendees. Colleagues. Members. Congregants. Friends. Students. Hell, even your own kids.

You know, your peeps. Your constituency. Those you serve on a daily basis.

And when it comes to your interactions with these people, there’s a fundamental question that has to be asked:

How are people changed after having a conversation with you?

Too many leaders – and, we’re ALL leaders, by the way – would not be able to answer this question very well.

EXAMPLE: When my company was just starting, I used to valet park nights and weekends at a local hotel to make ends meet…

David, the colossal putz known as my boss, was the kind of guy you’d walk away from a conversation thinking, “You know, maybe chugging three bottles of Armor All isn’t such a bad idea after all…”

Well. I guess that’s one way to be changed after having a conversation with someone.

But I digress.

SO, HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS: As a leader, you can exert (some) degree of control over the outcomes of your interactions.

Today we’re going to explore a list of eight practices to make sure your peeps are positively changed after having a conversation with you.

1. Open more than just the door. “I don’t understand why people think I’m unapproachable,” leaders say, “I HAVE an open door policy…”

OK, well, that may be true. And that’s a good start: Your door may be open. But the real questions people want to know the answer to are: Is your mind open? Is your heart open? And are your ears open? Because if you want to give people permission to come up TO, feel relaxed AROUND, open up WITH, comfortably walk away FROM, and confidently return TO you, some bullshite Open Door Policy ain’t gonna cut it anymore.

Approachability derives from the Latin word apropiare, or “to come nearer to.” Which means being approachable is a combination of three factors:

FIRST: The openness and attractiveness of your personal being as a function of your attitudes, values and core selfhood.

SECOND: The openness and attractiveness of your physical space as a function of your language, behaviors and environment.

THIRD: The openness and attractiveness of your public persona as a function of your reputation, personal brand and visibility.

Keep this philosophy in your mind as you explore the rest of the strategies, as it is the foundation upon which all successful conversations are based. How approachable is your personal being? What about your physical space? And how does that contribute to the approachability of your public persona?

2. Be someone whom others could tell anything. This isn’t some “technique” you use in your conversations. As you already learned, approachability originates from your core. Your truth. Your personhood. Your most honest and vulnerable self. And when you exert that core, your truthfulness leads to trustworthiness. That’s what gives the other person subconscious permission to tell you anything.

Here’s a revealing exercise: Make a list of three people in your life that you feel you could tell anything. Then, for each person, write down WHY you feel that way. Next, ask yourself, “What has she done in the past to achieve that honorable status?” “What attributes of his personality make me feel safe with him?”

Finally, once you’ve extracted all the attributes, honestly assess how you’re embodying and practicing those attributes in your own life. Think about whose “List of People I Could Tell Anything” YOU might be on. Do people feel safe around you? Are you someone others could tell anything? And when was the last time someone told you something they hadn’t told anyone else?

3. Help people like themselves when they’re with you. A truly approachable person never makes another person feel small. He forces others to have good opinions and feel more highly of themselves. People never walk away unheard and always emerge transformed, even in the smallest way.

One of the Phrases That Payses you can use to practice this principle is, “Jim, it’s really beautiful to observe your…” It’s objective and offers proof that you value whatever input they share, be it positive or negative. This gives people permission to come back to you in the future with their ideas, questions, concerns and thoughts. Sure beats someone who constantly demands, “I don’t want problems, I want solutions!”

It’s similar to what Abraham Schmitt writes in The Art of Listening with Love, “Listening IS love, and love always transforms that which it loves.” How are you transforming people by listening and leading with love? How is your open heart building others’ lives? And how do people feel when they’re around you?

4. Make people better off having communicated with you. You can do so by pointing out what people are too close to themselves to hear. This helps people listen to the loudest message their lives are screaming. A few Phrases That Payses might include: “As I silently listened to you, I heard some messages that you yourself couldn’t hear…” and “Mary, here’s what I heard emerging out of everything you shared…”

When you practice this, people don’t just LIKE themselves when they’re with you; they LOVE themselves when they walk away from you. And the best part is (as my friend Dixie likes to remind me), “When people are in love with themselves, they will love whoever made them feel that way. And we do anything for the people we love.” How do you leave people? How are you helping them fall in love with themselves? And what would happen if everyone who walked away from a conversation with you felt better about their truth?

5. Make time spent with you seem longer. Look, I know you’re busy. So, whether you’re interacting with employees, clients, guests, attendees, colleagues, members, congregants, friends and students – even your own kids – the secret is to make their (limited) time with you seem longer. Here’s how:

SIT DOWN. A 2003 study from Columbia University reported that doctors who physically sat down during their consultations were perceived by patients as being in the room three times longer than the doctors who stood up. Wow.

WATCH YOUR EYES. Avoid any movement that seems like you are checking on how much time has passed. No matter how busy you are. No matter how badly you have to pee. Be aware of how often your eyes avert from the speaker and scan clocks, phones, pagers or computer screens. People WILL notice. If you absolutely HAVE to look, do it discreetly or wait until the other person isn’t watching. D’oh!

AVOID THE WORD “ONLY.” In Parker Palmer’s book, A Hidden Wholeness, he explains, “Only is a negative presumption. By simply saying, ‘Come in, I have ten minutes,’ versus, ‘Come in, I ONLY have ten minutes,” you are perceived as someone who gives others enough time.” Otherwise there will be a perpetual undercurrent of resentment. And that tension will give people the impression that your time is more valuable than theirs. Yikes.

Remember: Approachability is about the openness and attractiveness of your physical space as a function of your language, behaviors and environment. What behaviors are accidentally reducing the perceived time spent with you? How could you make that time seem longer? And what would happen to your reputation as a leader if you became known as someone who made time for everyone?

6. Compliment people’s being, not doing. Scrap those cheesy, ass-kissing techniques of complimenting people’s clothes or hairstyles. The interpersonal impact of such compliments is directly proportionate to the level of thought required to deliver them: NONE. Besides, you know they look fat in that new suit anyway.

Instead, ask yourself, “What could I say to honor this person’s uniqueness?” “What attributes of her core self do I admire?” and “What facets of his personhood are most attractive?”

The secret is, making someone feel “important” and “valued” and “needed” is no longer enough. If you truly want to win with people, you need to make them feel ESSENTIAL. It’s a word that derives from the Latin essentia, which means, “essence.” And that’s what being an approachable leader is all about. Honoring and loving and acknowledge the essence of another person.

SUGGESTION: For the love of God, don’t place your cell phone on the table while you’re having a face-to-face conversation. Don’t even look at it. I had a client do this four times during a 30-minute consultation last month. Blech. All that signals to people is, “I might be receiving a call from someone who is more important than you.” What impressive part of this person’s BEING could you acknowledge? How will you make her feel essential? And do you really think complimenting her new hairstyle is REALLY going to score any points?

7. Leave a permanent imprint on everyone you meet. Constantly ask yourself the question, “What new world could I open up for this person?” If you allow that challenge to underscore your daily conversations, you WILL alter people’s pulses.

The secret is to give people experiences, not conversations. I’m not talking about a performance. Just an experience. Maybe it’s the experience of feeling deeply listened to without judgment or evaluation. Maybe it’s the experience of having a conversation that wouldn’t usually take place in this person’s life. Or, maybe it’s the experience of mutual vulnerability and humanity via the honest exchange of personal truth.

Just give people experiences. Memories. Moments. What imprint do you leave on people? What memory could you create with this person? And how do you want them to describe the experience of interacting with you?

8. Decide how you want to leave people. Meetings. Interviews Phone calls. Speeches. Brainstorming sessions. Performance reviews. Hallway conversations. Heart to heart discussions with your kids. Whichever interaction you constantly find yourself in, you do have (some) control over how you leave people. Here’s a rapid fire list of examples:

You can leave people wondering. Because you enlisted their creativity.

You can leave people wanting more. Because you emotionally engaged them.

You can leave people curious. Because you built a frame of interest and intrigue.

You can leave people laughing. Because you helped them evoke the humor in their own lives.

You can leave people inspired. Because you enabled them to give birth to their own realizations.

You can leave people thinking differently about themselves. Because you challenged them apply something to their own lives.

You can leave people in love with themselves. Because you honored, respected and made them feel essential.

You can leave people thinking. Because you asked provocative, creative and penetrating questions.

You can leave people reevaluating. Because something you said made them confront themselves.

You can leave people relieved. Because you actually listened to them.

Make your choice. How do you leave people? What do they say as soon as you leave the room? Are they diminished, unaffected, or enlarged after their encounter with you?

OK! Quick recap on today’s lesson:

1. Open more than just the door.
2. Be someone whom others could tell anything.
3. Help people like themselves when they’re with you.
4. Make people better off having communicated with you.
5. Make time spent with you seem longer.
6. Compliment people’s being, not doing.
7. Leave a permanent imprint on everyone you meet.
8. Decide how you want to leave people.

REMEMBER: Part of being an approachable leader depends on how people feel when they walk away from you.

The choice is yours.

Your peeps are waiting.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How are people changed after having a conversation with you?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “26 Rapid-Fire Strategies for becoming the Most Approachable Person in Your Organization,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

The formula for authentic, approachable leadership is simple:

Heart Over Handbook, Soul Over Script.

That means you need to be CONSISTENT.
Because consistency is far better than rare moments of greatness.

That means you need to maintain INTEGRITY.
Because people are listening to the sound of your actions.

That means you need to articulate your BOUNDARIES.
Because if you don’t set healthy boundaries for yourself, people will set them for you.

That means you need to put a stake in the ground and OWN YOUR TRUTH.
Because if you don’t make a name for yourself, somebody will make one for you.

Now, if you’re the kind of person who says, “Yeah, but I’m not a leader…”

Think again.

We’re all leaders. Even if the only person we ever lead is ourselves. That still counts.

The challenge is doing so authentically. After all, being yourself is hard. As Emerson famously said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Here’s a list of ten practices for leading from the heart, not the handbook…

1. Be the “You” that you always wanted to become. Straight out of Jerry Maguire. That moment when Tom Cruise prints out hundreds of copies of his corporate manifesto called, “The Things We Think, But Do Not Say.” Sure, he got fired the next day. But at least he stopped living a lie. Man. If only more people had cojones like that. What is still lethal inside of you that wants to be transformed?

2. Behave in a manner that is consistent with your self-concept. Act in harmony with the way you see yourself. Live in a way that honors your soul. You’ll find it’s actually a LOT easier than the alternative. Some people fake it till they make it for so long that they never get around to making it. So for you, just start making it. TODAY. Faking is for losers. How could bring more of yourself to this situation?

3. Calculate the cost of NOT standing up for your boundaries here. Literally. Think about what, specifically, would happen to your body if you compromised your truth. Some people would feel a thud in their gut. Others a ping in their chest. Either way, your body never lies to you. Are you able to hold a courageous conversation to reinforce your boundaries?

4. Give people the tools they need to build the world you envision. Just ask yourself the ultimate Back to the Future Question, “If everybody did exactly what I said, what would the world look like?” Once you’ve written down a few answers, you can customize a framework for the ideal world you hope to build. Then all you have to do is stay within those parameters. What are you building?

5. Imagine what the earlier version of yourself would do in this situation. Of course, that implies you’ve grown. Evolved. Matured. Ripened. And that process ONLY comes from a never-ending desire to add value to yourself. Which means you should probably stop watching television. Come on. You already know who’s going to win American Idol anyway. My money’s on the cute guy with spikey hair and tight jeans. Do you have a remarkable devotion to personal progress?

6. Keep your actions in alignment with the best working model of your identity. Make a list called, “How I Make Decisions.” Write down all the questions you ask yourself throughout the day. Think of it as an Opportunity Filter. A governing document for daily decision-making. This is a fantastic exercise if you haven’t done it yet. A few faves from my list include, “Now that I have this, what else does this make possible?” and “Is this an opportunity, or an opportunity to be used?” If you were you, what would you do in this situation?

7. Leverage your frustration in this situation as motivation to grow into more of the person you’ve always wanted to be. “Breath through it.” That’s what my yoga instructor always says. That every posture – difficult and pretzel-like as it may seem – can always be practiced effectively if you just breathe through it. That’s the secret: Save the drama for yo’ mama and channel that frustration into something more productive. What mission were you mandated to fulfill?

8. Make choices that add wood – not water – to your internal fire. Life’s too short to surround yourself with people who don’t challenge and inspire you. Life’s too valuable to work a job that robs you of your true talent and purpose. And life’s too beautiful to spend watching other people pursue their passion while you sit in a cubicle waiting for your boss to go to lunch so you can go take a nap in your car. Does your calendar reflect your passion?

9. Make sure the message you’re currently preaching is the dominant reality of your life. That’s the difference between orthodoxy, which means, “correct thoughts,” and orthopraxy, which means, “correct actions.” It’s about preaching what you practice, not the other way around. Because people don’t give you credit for what they HEAR you SAY consistently. They only give you credit for what they SEE you DO consistently. What type of person do you have to become on the inside to become the person you want to become on the outside?

10. Release the behaviors that are preventing you from making progress towards becoming the best version of yourself. Example: Shrinking from the opportunity to share your eclectic interests with others. Example: Backing away from posting pictures of you. What are you currently doing that makes NO sense at all?

REMEMBER: Honor thy heart, not thy handbook. Surrender to thy soul, not thy script.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What is your definition of Authentic Leadership?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “37 Personal Leadership Questions Guaranteed to Shake Your Soul,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Who’s quoting YOU?

Check out Scott’s Online Quotation Database for a bite-sized education on branding success!

www.stuffscottsaid.com.

---

Video not working? Click here for Adobe Flash 9.

Watch the original video on NametagTV!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How are you branding your service?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For a list called, “12 Ways to Out Service the Competition,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Satisfaction not enough?
Customers not telling their friends about you?
Want to learn how to deliver unforgettable service?

Buy Scott’s new book and learn how to get your frontline IN line!

Pick up your copy (or a case!) right here.

1. Act overworked, annoyed and irrational. That way people will stop asking you so many damn questions.

2. Be pervasively unpredictable.

3. Cling to any available shred of power.

4. Completely ignore the self-interest of everyone but yourself.

5. Create an environment where people are afraid to ask questions.

6. Demonstrate complete and utter unwillingness to understand how other people experience you.

7. Exude a constant sense of scarcity by creating a monopoly on information.

8. Focus all of your efforts on keeping people “satisfied.”

9. Form your vocabulary around the following phrases:

Because I said so. Call back later. Do it anyway. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m off the clock; you’ll have to ask someone else. I’m on break. It’s not my fault. Just look on the website. My boss said I couldn’t. My shift is over. No. Not my problem.

That’s against the rules. That’s not my department. That’s not my job. That’s not our policy. That’s the way we’ve always done it. We don’t do that. Don’t bother me right now. Don’t bring me problems; bring me solutions. Here, you handle this problem. I’m busy. I don’t have time for you right now. I don’t want to hear it. I know it’s a holiday, but… I know it’s Saturday, but… I know it’s your day off, but…

In case a bus hits you, I want to make sure you and Karen are inter-changeable. My mind is made up. That is THEE stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. We’re replacing you with this robot… You don’t really feel that way. Your office chair didn’t show up so you’ll be sitting on orange crates for the next two weeks.

10. Give people the illusion that they participated in the decision.

11. Give your customers no reason to be proud to be your customers.

12. Give your employees no reason to be proud to be your employees.

13. Instant and incessant compartmentalization of everyone you meet.

14. Instead of digesting people’s information, think about how you are going to impress them with your next comment.

15. Instead of taking the time to understand things, try this: (1) get angry, and (2) create uninformed opinions based on those emotions.

16. Keep the constant river of bullshit flowing; yet refuse to acknowledge its existence.

17. Lead from a script and manage from a handbook.

18. Make it hard to complain.

19. Monopolize everything but the listening.

20. Prohibit any shred of playfulness.

21. Refuse to acknowledge, listen to or implement the ideas of ANYONE born after 1980.

22. Refuse to demonstrate any loyalty yourself.

23. Refuse to give people insight into how you operate.

24. Return calls slowly.

25. Return emails slowlier.

26. Say as much as possible without actually saying anything.

27. Sell price WAY before value.

28. Share your wisdom and advice at every possibly opportunity, especially when it’s not asked for.

29. Silently demand that people read your mind instead of actually telling them what you’re thinking.

30. When asked questions, immediately reach for ready-made replies and pre-packaged answers.

31. When customers are lined up outside your door, ready to buy, refuse to open your doors even a MINUTE early.

32. When customers are still browsing, ready to buy, refuse to close your doors even a MINUTE late.

33. When people become upset, immediately tell them to “calm down.”

34. When people tell you their problems, reflexively respond with the following five-word lie: “I understand how you feel.”

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How are you making loyalty vanish?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “12 Ways to Out Service the Competition,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

Today we’re going to wrap up our discussion becoming known as the most approachable person in your organization.

(If you haven’t read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3, knock yourself out.)

So, whether you’re an office professional, middle manager, C-level executive or part of the overnight cleaning crew, executing these strategies will accomplish three goals:

(1) Boost the net worth of your human capital
(2) Attract MORE attention, MORE people and MORE opportunities into your world, and
(3) Reduce the possibility that your company will kick your butt to the curb in this crappy economy.

1. Give others space to be who they are. First, set the tone by giving yourself space to be who YOU are. That’s the hardest part. Owning your Truth and letting it shine – even if parts of it aren’t perfect.

Second, honor and respect the distinctiveness of others. For example, when someone shares his passion – especially when it’s something unusual, obscure or completely opposite of what you do (birding, for example) respond with, “Cool!” or “Wow!” These complimentary, yet objective words will invite the other person to share more, thus eliminating the possibility that he will remain mediocre.

Third, shut up. If you want to give people space to be who they are, just stop talking. Silence is the great arbiter of Truth. Your goal is to learn to play the game called, “Let’s See How Long I Can Get This Person To Talk About What They Love.”

This grants people permission to dig deep inside themselves and express what’s alive and true. And the best part is: You always win. And so does the other person. Because once people have clearly communicated who they are, they can relax. Remember: People need to feel assured that they can be themselves around you. Are you granting others space to talk? Are you granting others space to BE? And what would happen to your career if you became known as the best listener in your organization?

2. Meet and touch people where they are. No judgments. No evaluations. No appraisals. That’s approachable. And, I know: “Not judging people” is easier said than done. Fine. Try this: Articulate what’s occurring. Say what you see. Verbalize your observations. Respond to someone’s immediate experience and dance in the moment with language like, “I noticed,” “It looks like,” and “I have an observation.”

Doing so helps you observe without accusing, insinuate without imposing and describe without prescribing. What’s more, “saying what you see” is objective, non-judgmental, non-comparison based and emotionally unreactive. It’s a statement of observation. An impartial piece of feedback that doesn’t challenge someone’s character or attitude, it simply meets them where they are.

Best yet, it prevents the possibility of leaving somebody feeling unheard. What is this person experiencing because of what is happening? How is it possible that this person could think or behave in this way? And under what circumstances would it make perfect sense to do so?

3. Show people that their feelings are legitimate. Avoid phrases like, “You don’t really feel that way,” “Oh, don’t say that,” or “You’re making too much of a fuss about this.” They come off as insincere and patronizing. And while you may THINK you’re listening, you’re actually doing more damage than if you had said nothing.

I’ve dubbed these rote responses “You’re Not Helping Phrases.” Because that’s exactly what they do – detract from the effectiveness of your listening practice. And especially when you’re dealing with a person who’s upset, angry, suffering or highly emotional, you want to respond as genuinely as possible.

Consider saying, “You have a right to feel that way,” “I would be frustrated too,” or “It’s OK to be upset.” Remember: People are entitled to whatever feelings arise. Your challenge is to honor their current experience. So, watch your words. Regulate your rote responses. Steer clear of platitudes, minimizers, empty promises, shorthand listening techniques and false empathy.

Because the last thing you want someone to think is, “Yeah, you’re NOT helping.” How are you showing people that their feelings are legitimate? What if you saw everyone as important? And what needs to be developed in you to better handle your judgment of others?

4. Do not despise the day of small beginnings. Top Ten Scriptures from the Old Testament, in my opinion. (Zechariah 4:10) And, if you interpret this philosophy from an interactional perspective, it takes on a very cool meaning.

Part of being an approachable leader is the unconditional watering of people’s success seeds. This style of attending to others, as psychologist Carl Rogers wrote, “Accepts an individual’s worth and morality, thereby creating the best possible conditions for personal growth.”

My friend and fellow coach Dixie Gallaspie is a walking translation of this attribute of approachability. That’s what I love about having a conversation with her: The word “can’t” doesn’t exist in her vocabulary. She believes in everybody. She’s a booster, not a buster. A liberator, not a legislator.

And Dixie will ALWAYS value people’s dreams, crazy or impossible as they may sound. Ultimately, her confidence in others changes their confidence in themselves, which, for many of her clients – myself included – has launched their career trajectories.

So, here’s the secret: Regularly enlarge people so they feel less invisible and more essential. Deposit good words inside of them like, “I appreciate you,” “I believe in you” and “I value your dream.” You never know what new beginning your words will initiate. What do people get when they get you? How are you enlarging them? And what, specifically, could you say today to water somebody’s success seeds?

5. Make sure people like themselves when they are with you. It’s not how you feel about you; it’s not how they feel about you; it’s about how THEY feel about THEM. That’s all that matters.

A truly approachable person is one with whom another never feels small. One who forces people to have a good opinion of themselves. One who gets people to feel more highly of themselves. One who helps people recall their high performance patterns.

Suggestion: Don’t just take notes on what people say; tell THEM to take notes on what THEY just said. Here’s how you do it: After somebody shares a powerful insight, look at them and say, “That’s great. Have you written about that yet?” or “WRITE THAT DOWN!!!” Odds are, they’ll smile, possibly blush, and learn to honor their brilliance more often.

I practice this with my colleagues at least three times a week, and it never fails to energize people’s postures – both physically and spiritually. That’s the best part. Their shift in body language as they begin writing demonstrates not only gratitude, but also personal pride. Remember: Help people encounter overlooked aspects of themselves so you can leave people in LOVE with themselves. How do most people feel when they’re around you? How do you leave people? And what, specifically, are you doing every day to make others feel essential?

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Do people flock to you like bees to honey?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “26 Rapid-Fire Strategies for becoming the Most Approachable Person in Your Organization,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

If they can’t come UP to you; how will they ever get BEHIND you?

Buy Scott’s new book and learn daily practices for becoming a more approachable manager!

Pick up your copy (or a case!) right here.

If you work with one of those delightful people whose sole purpose in life is to flood your mental landscape with complaints, consider these five practices for approaching them with comfort and class:

1. Appreciate their value. Yes, complaining is unattractive. Yes, complaining solves nothing. Yes, complaining makes you want to drown yourself in the water cooler.

Still, there is some validity in listening closely to what people are whining about. Often times, these people point out problems everyone else overlooked. What good does this complainer point out?

2. Allow dead air. Nothing makes complainers happier than when another person validates their position and joins them in their self-indulgent pity party. Don’t let this happen to you. Don’t get sucked into their vortex of negativity because they’re insecure about their own life situation.

Instead, try saying nothing. Literally. Complainers HATE dead air. Eventually they’ll get bored and move on. Are you willing to accept silence as a normal part of your conversations?

3. Remove the audience. What’s the best way to handle a screaming child who demands Mike & Ikes in the checkout line of the grocery store? Ignore him. After all, they only make a fuss to get attention.

So, the same parallel can be made for complainers: They’re the kind of people who grumble aloud, then look around the room to see who agrees with them. Validate me! Validate me! They think.

My suggestion: Remove the audience. Don’t make eye contact. Do something else. Or just walk away. No Audience = No Attention = No Reason to Complain. What if there was nobody to complain to?

4. Mirror the responsibility. If there’s one thing complainers hate, it’s taking responsibility. After all, they wouldn’t be complaining if they had any idea how to execute, right?

So, here’s what you do. Next time someone complains to you about some insolvable issue, refuse to take ownership of her problem. Do the exact opposite – mirror the responsibility. Try saying, “So, what are you going to do about it?” or “What do you suggest?” or “Well then, what’s the solution?” How are you calmly putting the ball back in their court?

5. Send it back. When all else fails, snarkiness might be the answer. (Some people just need to hear it!) So, respond with slightly cynical language that refuses to fuel the fire.

For example, next time your coworker, Lauren, stops by your cubicle to whine about how her caveman boyfriend left the seat up and she accidentally fell into the toilet and that’s why she was twenty minutes late getting to work, respond with, “That’s great news!” “Thanks for sharing that!” or “Don’t worry, I read in US Weekly that Urine is the name of Paris Hilton’s new perfume line!”

If neither of those approaches work, you could always try, “Lauren, I can’t believe I just let you waste two minutes of my life. I am now dumber having listening to you. Please go away or else I’m calling security.” Are you willing to fight fire with snark?

REMEMBER: Complaining rarely makes anybody any money.

Except maybe George Carlin.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you approach complainers?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “26 Rapid-Fire Strategies for becoming the Most Approachable Person in Your Organization,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

If they can’t come UP to you; how will they ever get BEHIND you?

Buy Scott’s new book and learn daily practices for becoming a more approachable manager!

Pick up your copy (or a case!) right here.

1. Create a movement. Not a company. Not a product. Not a service. A movement. This requires a significantly higher level of passion, inner fire and tolerance for ambiguity. The cool part is, it’s more rewarding, more fun and more engaging. The challenging part is, you sleep a lot less. Oh well. Are you building a following?

2. Create a referral-rich environment. Several ways to do this. First, people need to be aware what you DO, what you’re DOING and what you’ve DONE. Second, people need to see you in action. They need to see you being you, doing what you do best. Thirdly, you need to be good. REALLY good. So good that people will gladly wait in line and pay higher prices than they should. So good that people, once they’ve worked with you once, will immediately tell all their friends about you. What percentage of your new business is referral based?

3. Create a world. All you have to do is ask yourself the following powerful question: “If everybody did exactly what you said, what would the world look like?” Spend a few hours brainstorming a half-dozen bullet point answers. I mean literally write them down.

Then, once you’re finished, you’ll have a template, a framework, a foundation, for the type of world you desire to create. And the best part is, now all you need to do, is make sure that everything you do, gives people – your fans, your movement members – the tools to BUILD that world. What new world are you creating?

4. Create clear outcomes. That last example used what I call a “Back to the Future Question.” Other examples include: How would you BE if you were already living your dream? For your life to be perfect, what would have to change? How do you want the world to know you 3-5 years from now? These types of questions accomplish four goals:

(1) they ENABLE people to act as if the desired changed already occurred
(2) they HELP people imagine what they need to become in order for their goals to manifest
(3) they EMPOWER people to speak from the future, then look back to identify the steps that led there
(4) they INSPIRE people to paint a compelling, detailed picture of the desired future and make meaningful strides toward it.

Hey, McFly: Are your outcomes crystal clear?

5. Create despite poverty. OK, so, business sucks. Sales are down. The economy is in the crapper. Fine. Stop complaining about it and just accept it. Say yes to what IS and force yourself to create new ideas anyway. Every day. If needed, channel your frustration into your creativity. Remember: Ideas are your #1 source of income. Remember: Writing is the basis of all wealth. Are you falling in love with your own excuses?

6. Create enduring enthusiasm. The word enthusiasm literally means, “Filled with God.” So, when you say you’ve lost your energy, your spark, your burning desire, I don’t buy it. I don’t believe for a second that, for some strange reason, you’re (now) no longer filled with God. That’s something that never really goes away, whatever your definition of “God” is.

The challenge is, you can’t SEE it because it’s buried under a steaming pile of excuses; you can’t HEAR it because you’ve chosen to stop listening; and you can’t FEEL it because you’re hanging out with losers. What saps your enthusiasm?

7. Create first thing. Get out of bed, get into the shower, grab some hot tea and commence mental puking. First thoughts, best thoughts. Slice open a vein and bleed your truth all over the page. Or canvas. Or dance floor. Or whatever medium you use. The goal is to create your own daily ritual of creativity that serves as a personal time-out, a portable solitude, routine of reflection and a practice of meditation.

When you create “first thing,” this process lends you stability and intimacy. It enables you to ventilate and prioritize your thoughts. It also trains your censor to stand aside so you can get current and catch up on yourself. As Julia Cameron suggest in The Artist’s Way, “Get down on the page whatever it is you are.” Are you starting your day with practice?

8. Create for revenge. For all those jerks that said you were crazy. For all those haters who said your work was no good. For all those idiots who said they could do it WAY better than you. Create cool stuff just to get them back. Wave it in front of their face. Make ‘em smell it. How do you like me now, chumps?

9. Create higher visibility. Stop being a secret. Anonymity is bankruptcy. Stick yourself out there – in person, online, on paper – everyday. Be ubiquitous. Be pleasantly persistent. Be The Observed. Then, BECOME a known entity. BECOME the obvious choice. BECOME That Guy. What are you doing to make your brand even more visible?

10. Create mini Sabbaths. You don’t even have to be religious. You don’t even have to make it a full day. You just need to physically and mentally displace yourself. No work. No thinking. No nothing. Almost like a mini vacation. Anywhere from fifteen minutes to two hours.

EXAMPLES: Go for a walk, grab a cup of tea at Starbucks, break out your guitar and play a few tunes, or head out to your car, dial up the comedy channel on satellite radio, lay back and laugh it up. It’s one of the healthiest practices you could incorporate into your daily life. What’s your Sabbath?

11. Create new connections. That’s all creativity really is, anyway. And all you have to do is, while observing the world, ask yourself questions like, “What else is like this?” “Where else have I seen this before?” and “Now that I have this, what else does this make possible?” Remember: Thinking is LINKING. And myriad connections (always) exist. How many unrelated things have you connected this week?

12. Create new value You HAVE to. Like, every year or so. Your fans, readers, audience members and customers crave it. Sadly, too many artists are unwilling to renovate, redo and renew because they’re too comfortable and too complacent, suckling the teat of their sacred cows. They don’t think they need to renew to be great, and they’re wrong. You must rapidly reinvent yourself, or people will forget about you. When was the last time you brought NEW value?

13. Create positive inflow. To create kick-ass art, begin by flooding your mind, body, soul and life with only positive things. YES books, YES music, YES people, YES food, YES networking events – YES everything! Remember: Negativity isn’t just unattractive; it’s unproductive. How do you stay positive?

14. Create self-evident ideas. First, engage the customer’s BRAIN. Make ‘em think – but not too much. Make it easily digestible, repeatable and defendable. Make ‘em nod in agreement because of your self-evidence and unarguability. Then, engage people’s FISTS. So they think, “Well, I’m sold!” So they exclaim, “OMG, I have to have one of those!” So they declare, “Dude, we gotta get this guy!” How long does it take people to “get” what you do?

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
As a Creative Professional, what are your obligations?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “10 Best Books on Creativity You’ve Never Heard Of,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Nobody seeing YOUR name anywhere?

Bummer. Perhaps my monthly, all-access coaching program would help.

Rent Scott’s Brain today!

---

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What did you write today?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “9 Things Every Writer Must Do Every Day,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!

“I bow to you.”

That’s the literal translation of the Sanskrit word namaste.

And although it’s primarily used as a greeting or salutation in Indian, Buddhist and Asian cultures/faiths, there’s no reason you can’t embrace the spirit of namaste in your own daily life.

I first experienced this philosophy when I started taking Bikram Yoga. At the end of each class – right before our instructor walked out of the room and left us to our final meditation – she would conclude by saying namaste. Then, as a gesture of respect and gratitude, all of the students would repeat namaste in unison as she exited.

Well, almost all of the students. Personally, I was so exhausted, out of breath and out of fluids that I could barely keep my eyes open, much less articulate a three syllable word.

Eventually – somewhere around my tenth or so class – I finally came around.

That’s when I learned that the word namaste also translates to: “The spirit within me honors the spirit within you.”

And I thought, “Cool. What a beautiful concept. I wonder if there are other areas of life in which we could apply namaste…?”

That was about 18 months ago. Since then, I’ve been collecting a list of practices that transports this sacred philosophy into our daily interactions. (Especially the areas of communication where I need the most work!)

So, as you read each of these examples, I challenge you to ask yourself three questions:

(1) How do I feel when others do this for me?
(2) How well am I currently practicing this in my own life?
(3) What are some ways I could improve the way I practice this in my own life?

1. Embrace their pace. Listening is midwifing. It’s about helping the other person give birth to her own understanding. It’s about facilitating a natural process. Enabling and nurturing the speaker’s rhythm guiding him to make the best choices. Ultimately, the goal is to provide assistance, NOT authority. That way he can see, find, say, do, know, learn and discover by his own accord.

TRY THIS: Resist the need to take over. Respect the speaker’s speed of self-discovery. No pushing. No forcing. Gentle nudging. Embrace their pace. Suspend conversational control. Allow people to safely process their own thoughts and solutions. Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

TRY THIS: Frame answers with alternatives. Instead of giving advice, pose questions so the other person can hear more deeply what his heart is saying. Ask, “What are your options?” This objective response doesn’t take over someone’s problems. It allows him to dig for the answer on his own.

Also, the use of the word “options” indicates multiple possibilities for solutions. What’s more, this response avoids telling someone what they, “should” do, while still offering a potential solution. Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

ASK THIS: How are you inviting discovery? How are you creating a space where people can see the solutions in themselves? And how would people’s perception of your leadership ability change if THEY were the ones who felt like they always discovered the solution?

2. Give people the time and space they need to fully express themselves. In Parker Palmer’s fantastic book about listening and leadership, A Hidden Wholeness, he talks about being hospitable to the soul.

“Make each soul feel safe enough to show up and speak its truth,” he explains. “Create a space that invites the soul to make itself known or you will scare it away and drive that which is original and wild into hiding.”

Wow. Imagine what would happen to your perception as a leader and listener if you practiced that.

TRY THIS: Resist your impulse to fix. Just be. Abandon the arrogance of believing you have the answer to the person’s problem. “It’s not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be honored,” Palmer suggests.

So, don’t try to save people – just be present to them. Stand with simple attentiveness. Your faith in them will bolster their own faith in themselves. Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

TRY THIS: Approachability is just as much about what you don’t do. Examples: Don’t fix. Don’t invade. Don’t evade. Don’t advise. Don’t set straight. Don’t influence. Don’t pressure. Don’t answer. Don’t save. Don’t analyze. Don’t insert opinions and agendas. Don’t advance your self-image.

I know it’s a lot to keep track of, but if you fall victim to these egoic tendencies, you risk contaminating the listening space and scaring people’s truth away. Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

ASK THIS: Are you listening or waiting talk? Are you leading or superimposing your beliefs on others? And how do you plan to create the space people need to exert their distinctiveness?

3. Help people unravel deeper significance. The only way to accomplish this is to create a safe container in which the person can share. Remember: A person’s soul is shy. You don’t want to scare it away. Still, people need to feel essential. Not important. Not valued. Not special. ESSENTIAL.

TRY THIS: Let what people say have an impact on you AND them. For example, when someone makes a profound comment, asks a killer question or juxtaposes words in a beautifully unexpected way, PAUSE. This silent space allows deep, creative ideas to surface. Which gives someone the stage her words deserve. Which gives that person the opportunity to let their original idea truly resonate down to THEIR core.

Like my doctor says, “If you wait long enough, your patient will tell you the diagnosis.” Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

TRY THIS: After holding a person in a loving space where she is compelled to listen to herself, send reinforcements for her unraveling process. Here’s how: When you review your notes from the conversation, extract all of the keepers, nuggets and epiphanies that surfaced and email them to the other person.

In the subject line write, “13 Keepers from Our Conversation Yesterday.” Then write, “Karen, thanks for sharing your powerful insights yesterday. Really got me thinking! I wrote a few of them down for your reference…” Guarantee it will both unravel deeper significance and make her feel essential. Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

ASK THIS: How are you helping people help themselves? Have you accepted silence as a normal part of your conversations? And how are you following up with people to make sure they listen to themselves?

4. Open your receptors to the other person’s subtleties. Listening is about listening FOR things. Even if you don’t agree. Even if you don’t approve. That’s all part of namaste – the honoring. The accepting. The loving.

So, begin by listening for language patterns: Listen for what they say, listen for what they don’t say, listen for what they’re not telling you, listen for what the person is trying to communicate, listen for what thoughts they share first, listen for what thoughts they share last, listen for what is emphasized and listen for what is downplayed.

Also, listen for opportunities: Listen for what is pushing the person, listen for their ideas of how they want things to be, listen for how to remove resistance, listen for what the person would need, listen for others’ interests and listen for areas where people are afraid and hurt.

TRY THIS: Say what you see. Use Phrases That Payses like, “I had an observation,” “I noticed,” and “My intuition is telling me that…” The three secrets are: (1) Observe, don’t accuse; (2) insinuate, don’t impose; and (3) describe, don’t prescribe. Otherwise people won’t open up, become defensive and assume you’re trying to “fix” them. Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

TRY THIS: Count behaviors. If you’re taking notes when working with someone, keep a discreet tally of certain tendencies, i.e., “The number of times he says the word ‘but’” or “The number of sentences he starts with the word ‘I can’t…’”

After a certain point, turn your paper 180 degrees and show them your tally. Explain what it stands for and then wait for a response. This objective, non-judgmental style of feedback is not only respectful, but doesn’t challenge someone’s character or attitude. Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

ASK THIS: What are you listening for? What are you listening with? And what do you plan to do with what you hear?

5. Understand, honor and respond to their unique experience of the world. My definition of empathy is, “The ability to look at the world through different value systems.” This means placing special or unique value in everything people share with you. This means not trying to change the situation, but rather, thinking new ways to experience it that would make a positive difference in how you feel.

TRY THIS: Change your relationship to your emotions. Don’t allow your defensiveness to block your receptivity to someone else’s truth. Especially when there’s a conflict of opinions. Instead, view disagreements as if they were celebrations of ideas. You will listen with a more open (and less defensive) posture.

TRY THIS: Be on the lookout for subtle, external cues about what people are really like. Keep your receptors open for indicators of their core, their truth: What they value, what makes issues important in their lives, what their vision and purpose is, what they treasure and what makes them come alive. Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

ASK THIS: Do your comments honor the other person’s unique feelings, thoughts and emotions? Have you lost track of this conversation because of the inner conversation you’re having with your ego? And what is preventing your ears from opening in this conversation?

6. The correct answer is whatever they learned.. So, honor whatever surfaces. Dance in the moment. Believe that perfection is unfolding right before your eyes. Then, help them embrace this perfection so you both can feel rightness and appropriateness in the encounter.

TRY THIS: Pick something ordinary that they said and brainstorm all the reasons you can of for its perfection. Then email that list to them the day after your conversation. They’ll never forget it. Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

TRY THIS: Acknowledge their rising thoughts and feelings. During a conversation with someone, presence is the secret and anticipation is the enemy. Ask yourself one question: “What is the truth at this particular moment?” That will help keep you present. Namaste. The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.

ASK THIS: What are you missing out on because of the need to be right? How are you saying yes to What Is? And how can you build an environment where wrong answers are impossible?

– – –

REMEMBER: You don’t need to be a Yogi to honor the spirit of those you serve.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How are you practicing namaste?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “53 Not So Obvious Patterns Listeners Need to Listen For,” send an email to me, and I’ll send you the list for free!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur
[email protected]

Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.

Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!