You don’t need to change your situation, your environment or the people in it.
You need to change the way you respond to it.
Because that’s about you CAN control.
No matter how hostile, rude or annoying some people are, you need to be strong enough to F-R-E-E-Z-E, and then ask yourself questions like:
1. Could you possibly remind this individual of someone in their past who gave them a hard time?
2. Did something change in this person’s personal life – perhaps a financial situation – making her more secretive and unapproachable?
3. Did something change in this person’s workload or status making her more cold and rigid?
4. Did you put up a wall because this person reminds you of someone in your past who gave you a hard time?
5. Does my body respond with a thud or a ping?
6. Does this feedback contain evidence?
7. Does this person just irritate you or actually cause you to put up a wall?
8. Has something happened in your life that made you more rigid and less accepting toward others?
9. How is it possible that this person could think or behave in this way, and under what circumstances would it make perfect sense to do so?
10. How might you be encouraging disagreement?
11. How would you like to respond to that situation?
12. If someone else were talking to me about these topics, what would make ME want to listen?
13. If this person never seems to listen to you, is it possible that you’re not a listenable person?
14. If you were in her shoes, would you have any reason to exclude others at work?
15. In what way do YOU also put up a wall and feel the need to keep the other person at a distance?
16. In what ways have my needs begun to clash with hers?
17. Is there anybody in my life that I treat this way?
18. Is there something about this person’s style that you find frustrating and contributes to tension between you?
19. Is this an expression of someone who honors and cherishes themselves?
20. Is this person threatened by you being rewarded at work and is shutting you out of the loop?
21. Was there an incident between you that left bad feelings?
22. Were there clues early on that this individual was going to put up barriers toward you or others?
23. Were you enabling this person’s behavior by responding to it?
24. What are the verbal cues this person is offering that indicate what they value?
25. What could I say that would absolutely piss this person off more than anything?
26. What do I actually disagree with in this case? Are you disagreeing or are you disagreeable
27. What does this person believe about the world that would make him have such a goal?
28. What does this person get from the old script or system?
29. What does this person need to hear herself say right now?
30. What does this person’s self-interest hinge upon?
31. What invisible walls have you built?
32. What is #1 on this person’s Self Interest List?
33. What is it about this person that bothers me?
34. What is it in me that might be causing this situation?
35. What is the key to this person’s heart?
36. What is the most effective way for me to respond?
37. What is this person experiencing because of what is happening?
38. What is this person telling me about HOW they are feeling?
39. What is this person’s dominant reality in this situation?
40. What is this person’s motivation for talking to me this way?
41. What is this person’s success seed?
42. What level of consciousness does this person seem to be at?
43. What part of her feedback is accurate and what part is just her negative way of complaining about everything?
44. What part of her feedback is useful to my work, and what part is incorrect, misinformed or just plain whiny?
45. What questions is this person asking with his body?
46. What stories is this person telling themselves?
47. What underlying objective or goal does this person’s role create?
48. What value system is this person operating out of?
49. What was the person’s intention in producing this behavior?
50. Who can hurt this person the most, and how can I address that?
51. Who does this person need to look good for?
52. Why does this person feel the need to put up a wall or keep you at a distance?
53. Why has the situation of this person remained like that?
54. Would someone who loves themselves make this choice?
