Beyond Free Mints: 4 Keys to Approachable Trade Show Conversations
By Scott Ginsberg

It’s 10:15 am Sunday morning. Hordes of wandering guests stroll through the tradeshow hall amidst hundreds of booths and exhibits—including yours. There is little or no chance these people will enter into business with your company.

Face it: they probably just stopped by for the free candy or cool chotchky sitting on your table.

So, how do you give those people permission to engage? Or, if you’re the attendee, how do you keep from sitting quietly in the corner looking at the education descriptions for the ninth time instead of finding and meeting new people?

One word: approachability. Sure, it’s an expression that varies from person to person. But after delivering speeches to companies and associations around the world on the topic, here’s what I’ve learned:

1. It starts with attitude. Sure, maybe this person won’t be your next big customer or trusted advisor. But you never know. Everybody is somebody’s somebody! So be sure that an attitude of approachability is manifested via your nonverbal behavior, i.e., smiling, readable nametag, and uncrossed arms.

2. It continues with engagement. What’s your opener? Will you be like every other novice and ask, ‘How are you?’ If so, expect to get the canned answer, ‘F.I.N.E,’ which stands for ‘Feelings I’m Not Expressing.’

3. It accelerates with CPI’s. Conversation is about common ground. And people will like you the minute they discover how much they are like you. So, discover the CPI (Common Point of Interest) through creative, specific, open-ended questions in order to develop a deeper connection.

4. It solidifies with consistency. I always end my speeches with the quotation, ‘Consistency is far better than rare moments of greatness.’ This means that in the eyes of every person you come across, you = the entire company. Be certain your words and actions are congruent with you brand values.

So, even if it’s the end of the day and you’re all out of energy and free mints, remember this last tip on approachability: ‘Fear not to entertain strangers, for by so doing some may have entertained angles unaware.’

Jean de la Bruyere said, ‘The great gift of conversation lies less in displaying it ourselves than in drawing it out of others. He who leaves your company pleased with himself and his own cleverness is perfectly well pleased with you.’

Every conversation, interaction and encounter has some kind of emotional effect on both parties:

How you feel about yourself

How you feel about others

How others feel about you

How others feel about themselves

In order to make an UNFORGETTABLE! first impression (not just a good first impression), you must focus on the last of these four effects: how others feel about themselves.

The 6 Essential Elements for Flawless First Impressions are part of Scott Ginsberg’s the UNFORGETTABLE! Audio System. In this article we will examine Essential Element #5: Other Orientation.

To solidify this element, ask yourself the following seven questions. If you can answer them while connecting with new people, you will be certain to become UNFORGETTABLE!

How comfortable is the other person?
The most socially gracious people are those who make others feel comfortable. Comfort can be broken into two parts: level and touch. First let’s talk about level. When interacting with someone, always synchronize your posture both vertically and horizontally. For example, if one person is sitting, the other should do the same.

One group of people who understand the value of synchronizing their posture is food servers. I remember eating at my local Steak ‘N Shake in St. Louis last year during a very busy time of night. My server – and also everyone else’s server – was running around the understaffed restaurant like a mad man. He finally came to my table and, once he caught his breath, introduced himself and sat down.

‘I can’t stand up anymore – it’s too crazy! Anyway, you must be Scott, right?’ he joked as he pat my shoulder, ‘Well I’m Brian. What can I get for you?’

As Brian sat eye to eye with me I felt connected to him. I even felt his pain – he was the only server in the place, but he still managed to adjust to my level.

Psychologically, level adjustments like this are one of many factors that contribute to an average increase in tips. I worked in food service for many years and never encountered a manager who didn’t remind us of this tactic. But my managers also encouraged another practice that was effective for first impression – and tip – management: touch.

This is the second component to making the other person feel comfortable. Especially when it comes to handshakes, high-fives, shoulder brushes and pats on the back, incorporating the slightest bit of touch in an appropriate and non-violating manner will make people feel more connected to you.

How can you make the other person feel superior to you?
One of my favorite Emerson quotations is, ‘Every man is my superior in some way, and in that, I learn of him.’

When you first meet someone, a great tip is to tell them how much you’ve learned from them in the short time you’ve talked. Thank them for enlightening you. Even write down suggestions, tips, names or things they told you right in front of them. Remember, people hate those who make them feel their own inferiority.

Do they feel like they already know you?
If you ever hear someone say, ‘God I feel like we’ve known each other for years!’ or ‘We really seemed to hit it off!’ you’re on the right track to making an UNFORGETTABLE! first impression.

But you can’t get to this point in the conversation without self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is the process of making yourself manifest to another. It starts with little pieces of information like your name, but as you locate the CPI and share your opinions and attitudes, you will find that the other person will reciprocate the same back to you. This norm of reciprocity is another way of saying, ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.’

Now, be careful here. Say the wrong thing and you might hear one of the most annoying, overused clichés of the past 10 years come out of your conversation partner’s mouth: ‘Too Much Information!’ As frustrating as this phrase may be, if someone says it, you’ve obvious crossed the line. Sometimes you may be several miles past the line. So be liberal with the amount of information you reveal. And be sure your level of intimacy matches that of the other person. You’ll have no problem connecting with someone as if you ‘already know each other.’

How engaged is the other person?
Remember this: two monologues do not make a dialogue. (Some people just yap back and forth without engaging the other person like they’re talking to a wall!) So incorporate both people! An important phrase you can use to assure the dialogue is: ‘What About You?’ This sentence is the epitome of having an Other Orientation.

It also allows you to turn the tables. Stop talking for once and find out what they’re thinking. If you reciprocate back and forth and keep both parties engaged, you will be well on your way to creating an UNFORGETTABLE! First Impression.

Are they uncertain?
A common reason people feel uncertain during the limited first impression window is the forgetting of names. A person’s name is the sweetest sound they’ll ever hear, but even more shocking is that a person’s name is the single context of human memory most apt to be forgotten.

So ASSUME that they have forgotten your name, and provide them with some help accordingly. First of all, wear your nametag. There’s nothing more frustrating than unexpectedly being unable to use a nametag as crutch for a brain fart.

Secondly, practice the ‘Third Person Trick.’ This involves telling a story or an anecdote about yourself that helps others with your name without them suffering a loss of face. For example:

‘…so when the airport security said, ‘Scott Ginsberg, please come with us for a body cavity search,’ I knew I was in trouble.’

‘Oh thank you for saying your name!’ they silently say to themselves.

Works every time!

Has the other person discovered how similar they are to you yet?
As soon as you can, find out how you’re similar to your conversation partner. You will see it in their eyes. Make sure THEY know there’s something similar. This allows you to focus on how they feel about themselves. So remember these two things: 1) People like others whom they ARE like; and 2) As Napoleon Hill said, ‘You are a human magnet and you are constantly attracting people whose characteristics harmonize with your own.’

Are you satisfying their need to feel appreciated?
The number one hierarchical need of humans is the need to feel appreciated and included – and it’s your job in every conversation, interaction and first impression to satisfy this need.

During a late night shift at the front drive of the Ritz Carlton in St. Louis, several gentlemen asked me to call them a cab downtown. As we waited for the taxi to arrive, one of them asked, ‘So, Scott – got anyone special staying here at the Ritz tonight?’

‘Sir,’ I smiled, ‘All of our guests at the Ritz Carlton are special.’

The group roared in laughter! The man patted me on the shoulder and nodded his head in gratitude.

‘Thanks for that Scott – that’s why we love this hotel!’

It’s All About Them
An Other Orientation is essential for UNFORGETTABLE! First Impressions. If you ask and answer these seven questions, you and your conversation partner will feel like you’ve known each other for years. What’s more, you’ll make them feel appreciated, superior and comfortable while interacting with you – all because you remembered that it ain’t about you!

This article was adapted from Scott Ginsberg’s UNFORGETTABLE! Audio System. To learn about all 6 Essential Elements of Flawless First Impressions, click here.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
When was the last time a service provider made you feel like a million bucks?

Do you ever wonder why single people give flowers, wine, candy or mix CD’s on first dates?

Bingo! Because they want to get lucky!

Just kidding. They bring gifts because they want make a great first impression. And that’s the sixth and last element of this system: giving gifts. But I’m not talking about gifts you eat, drink, listen to or have to water. I’m talking about social gifts. I purposely placed this element last in the system because it helps you put into practice many of the ideas we’ve already covered.

In all of my reading and research on first impressions, the best description of ‘social gifts’ was written in a book called First Impressions by Dr. Ann Demaris and Dr. Valerie White. I’d like to look at their theory of the four types of social gifts, but take it a step further with some specific examples you can use tomorrow to make flawless first impressions.

Social Gift #1: Show Appreciation and Respect
Every person has some handle by which he can be lifted. As such, the two most effective ways to grab hold are with compliments and thank you’s. Since we’ve already covered the former, let’s talk about thank you’s. Whenever you want to show your gratitude for something or someone, always tell people what you’re thanking them for. Remember, it’s the part of the blanket that hangs over the bed that keeps us warm. You will be amazed at how effective a specific thank you is:

‘Thanks for your honesty; it means a lot to me.’

‘Thanks for the interesting conversation, Randy.
I really learned a lot.’

‘Thanks for bringing me that bottle of water. I thought I
was going to choke on that piece of broccoli.’

Social Gift #2: Discover How You’re Alike
Anyone who grew up in the city of St. Louis will tell you St. Louisans are obsessed with one question when they meet someone for the first time:

‘Where did you go to high school?’

I don’t know why we’re obsessed with this question. But the answer always discovers the CPI (Common Point of Interest) – whether it’s a person you both know, an old football game or just a memorable teen moment. It’s amazing how easy it is to give a social gift to someone simply by asking this question (And if you’re reading this book and you grew up in St. Louis, my answer to ‘The Question’ is Parkway North).

But that’s a St. Louis thing. Still, the list of open ended questions you can use to find out how you and your conversation partner are alike is endless!

Social Gift #3: Satisfy Curiosity
On a daily basis, anywhere from four to six people ask me, ‘Scott, I just have to ask – why are you wearing a nametag?’

You may be wondering if, after more than four years, this question ever gets old.

Not at all.

I’ve always enjoyed answering this question not only because it allows me to talk about my passion, my business and the validation for my existence, but also because it empowers me to give a social gift as a result of being approachable. After all, seeing a nametag worn by a person who’s NOT in a meeting or at work is awfully strange. And people just have to ask. People just have to satisfy their curiosity!

But there are many other ways to give social gifts for the sake of someone else’s curiosity. My favorite is through trivia. You know those useless trivia facts found on daily calendars, candy wrappers and emails? They’re not so useless after all.

In the summer of 2004 I read a sidebar in USA Today that said the following:

‘Every year on the Fourth of July, Americans consume 150 million hotdogs. If you lined up that amount of hotdogs from end to end, they would stretch from the moon AND BACK seven times.’

When I read this I was amazed. Maybe I was nauseous – I don’t recall. Either way, I learned a piece of trivia that was both relevant AND interesting. So for the next few weeks before, during, and after the Fourth of July, I made it a point to use it at the beginning of every conversation I had.

And as it turned out; people were more interested in wieners than I thought.

We started discussions about holidays, hotdogs, fireworks, baseball games – you name it! And it was all because of a simple piece of trivia.

Another great benefit of trivia is it will positively affect someone’s demeanor. Offer some trivia to someone and watch as she raises her eyebrows, nods her head, smiles, alters her body language and leans forward. Trivia expedites the entire communication process! And it’s all because your not-so-useless social gift will make people comfortable and more willing to communicate. Satisfying curiosity will almost always produce this result.

Social Gift #4: Uplift Them
Do you know someone who is contagious? (Not the flu.) Perhaps their smile, laughter, positive nature or love just spreads to everyone in their presence? Think about Henry the Bellman, Cherise the Waitress and Jeffrey the Salesman from Chapter 3 – all contagious people.

GOOD NEWS: You can be contagious too!

Here’s how: use fun, laughter, jokes and interesting stories in your daily repertoire of giving social gifts.

‘But Scott, I can’t remember any of them. I hear a joke or a story and then never think about it again.’

No worries. The best way to organize this content is with a ‘Laughter Log.’ I’ve been using mine for several years as a way to organize my content for books, speeches, articles and learning tools. But it’s also perfect for conversations. Simply get a blank notebook or journal and take a few minutes at the end of each day to write down a few notes.

Ask yourself this question; then scribble down a few notes about the incident. Do this every day and after a week or certainly after a month or year – you’ll have some great material to incorporate into your ‘first impression lexicon.’

Laughter Logs reminds me of the first time I met my friend Billy. I was a junior in college at Miami University. He and I were walking down the same path but not speaking, so I decided to break the silence.

‘Hey man, you wanna hear a great joke?’ I asked.

After I told him one of my favorite zingers, Billy introduced himself to me, and immediately we felt like we’d known each other for years! We walked further and realized we even knew some of the same students on campus. After we said goodbye and decided to meet up later in the week, Billy said, ‘Hey thanks again for the joke – I really needed a good laugh.’

Remember, even if you don’t have a lot of time, these four types of social gifts will help you become UNFORGETTABLE!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What was the best social gift you ever received?

You just never know.

When you answer a phone call from an unknown number.
When you engage in a conversation with a guest at your office.
When you greet a potential customer who walks into your store.
When you make small talk with a stranger you’ve just been introduced to.
When you respond to a random email from a friend of a friend of a friend.

You just never know.

And because of that, because any of these individuals has the potential to immediately tell everyone he knows either ‘That guy’s great!’ or ‘That guy’s an asshole!’ you must remember that consistency is far greater than rare moments of greatness.

This means you have a choice. You can be a nice, friendly, approachable, authentic, easy-to-deal-with person ONLY around those ‘important’ people, i.e., customers, coworkers and managers; or you can act that way with EVERYBODY, notwithstanding their apparent insignificance. It brings to mind the words of Roy Beers, who once said, ‘Your true character is most accurately measured by how you treat those who can do nothing for you.’

Great example: I do a lot of staff training for hotels, namely, Hyatt Regency. One Friday night after hosting an afternoon session, I bumped into a few of my audience members at a nearby bar. (I didn’t know who they were at the time.) But literally, we smacked into each other! And I spilled half of my drink on the floor. I looked up at the three guys and said, ‘No worries guys – this place is a madhouse. It’s just water anyway.’

One of them said, ‘Sorry about that Scott. Hey, by the way, we really loved your speech on approachability today! Thanks a lot.’

‘Oh, I didn’t realize you guys worked for the Hyatt! Yeah, sorry we didn’t get a chance to meet after the session. But I’m glad you enjoyed it. And it sure is funny running into you now, huh?’

Yeah, funny.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever realized who the person was 20 seconds AFTER you’d made your impression?

It’s kind of scary. Kind of makes you think back and wonder, ‘Wait, what did I say again? Was it something stupid? And would I have said something different if I knew exactly who I was talking to?’

That’s the big question. That’s where consistency comes in to play. Because odds are, you might not know right away if the person you’re talking to is stranger you’ll never see again, an existing customer, a potential customer, or a friend of an existing or potential customer.

And all it takes is one sentence to make him think, ‘You know, I think I’ll take my business elsewhere.’ Then again, all it takes is one sentence to make him think, ‘Man, I love this place! I can’t wait to tell everyone back at the office all about it!’

Because you just never know.

And yet, some people still don’t understand the power of this idea. Probably because they’ve never had a business-changing encounter – positive or negative – that swiveled on the hinges of serendipity.

But they will. And so will you. Both bad and good. Hey, I once started a friendly conversation on a bus with a complete stranger who eventually passed along my business card to a local reporter whose news story kicked off my career as an author and a speaker! Then again, I once made a terribly rude comment about my former boss without knowing he was a customer of my father’s! Ouch!

So whether you’re prospecting, greeting guests or just making small talk around the office, remember this: it’s just easier to be consistent. Kind of like the old adage, ‘If you tell the truth all the time, you won’t have to remember anything.’ Because ultimately, consistently is greater than rare moments of greatness. And people only give you credit for that which they see you do consistently.

Because you just never know.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Have you ever said the wrong thing without realizing who your conversation partner was?

Confident communication comes from winning small victories first. Here are 4 techniques to help you gain the edge…

1. Avoid starting your responses or conversations with hedging phrases and immediate personal discounters. These fillers give off the impression the you’re hiding behind your words and refusing to commit. They also have the power to negate whatever you say next. Examples include:

‘I was just going to say…’
‘I’m not sure if I’m right, but…’
‘I don’t know if…’
‘This is probably a stupid question…’

State your point confidently. No need to add extra words.

2. Take yourself on a date ALONE. Go to a fun place. Act like a real date. This will build your confidence and boost feelings of independence. (I do this at least once a month – it’s the best!)

3. Use self-disclosure openings as conversation starters. They ease communication apprehension, offer insight into you and appeal to the inherent helpful nature of other people. Examples include:

‘Hi, I don’t know anybody here!’
‘This is my first time here.’
‘I’ve never been to Dallas before.’

4. Avoid the word ‘interested.’ It doesn’t have the confidence and persuasion of ‘willing.’ It also uses more active language because it removes an ‘-ing’ suffix from the sentence. For example, which of the following questions sound more confident?

‘Dave, would you be interested in giving me your email?’
‘Dave, would you be willing to give me your email?’

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s your best confidence builder?

You only have three seconds…Connect in under a minute…People decide if they like you within the first ninety seconds…Make the sale in the first five seconds…You get the job within four minutes…Always make a friend in less than 30 seconds…

Ahhhhhhhhhh!! Which one is right!?

I’ve read almost every book on first impressions, and the primary issue addressed tends to be time. (Or lack thereof.) Unfortunately, past research doesn’t offer much consistency among increments of time in which you must make a first impression.
But there’s no need to adhere to a specific number of minutes, hours, days or milliseconds to which your words and actions must adhere in order to ‘wow’ the other person. The bottom line is this: every situation and every person is different. Only you can decide how much time you’re allotted before your conversation partner thinks you’re the greatest person they’ve ever met.

Still – you have to work quickly! The 6 Essential Elements for Flawless First Impressions are part of Scott Ginsberg’s the UNFORGETTABLE! Audio System. In this article we will examine Essential Element #1: Time is (Not) on Your Side. Here are some tips to help you become UNFORGETTABLE™!

Beyond Initial Contact
Because they are based on instinct and emotion; and because they are usually correct; first impressions people form about you will probably stay in their minds forever. People put pressure on themselves to behave consistently with their own existing commitments. And as the great poet William Hazlit said, ‘First impressions are a person’s work of years; they are stamped on his face by the events of his whole life by the hand of nature, and are not to be gotten rid of easily.’

This is based on the primacy effect, which states that information people see or learn about you is more powerful than what is learned later. Therefore, when people initially see a small piece of you, that’s all they know. So to them, it represents everything.

First Doesn’t Mean First Time
First impressions are also the first time you have with someone. In other words, even if you’ve already known someone – your first impression, new or not, will still set the stage for whatever communication comes next.

Here’s an example. Let’s say you arrive (late) at your customer’s office for your monthly appointment – and you’re in a terrible mood. You’re tired, annoyed and don’t feel like crunching numbers. Now, even if you’ve worked with this customer for six months, it’s still possible to make a bad first impression. It’s still possible turn him off. And as a result, your entire meeting might be underscored by that negative impression – regardless of what the customer thought of you six months ago when he first met you.

So, first doesn’t always mean first time.

Honesty is the Best Policy
It’s like the old joke says, ‘If you tell the truth, you don’t need to remember anything.’ So in your first impressions, be honest – and be honest immediately.

Once during a job interview I had the perfect opportunity to practice this last rule. My potential boss said, ‘All right, here’s the last question – it’s kind of a tough one. In fact, most employees struggle to answer it…so just do your best. What are some of your weaknesses?’

Ouch. A zinger if I ever heard one. Looked like my ego was about to take a beating.

But I didn’t skip a beat. I smiled, re-crossed my legs and said, ‘Absolutely! In fact, I’ll give you three of them:

1) I talk too much. As an extrovert, my personality is such that I might never shut up.

2) I’m not the most punctual employee in the world. I’ve been known to show up at the last minute, or sometimes a few minutes late.

3) I’m a big goofball. I do, say and think things that are outlandish.

But I’ll tell you one thing,’ I added, ‘talking, tardiness and goofiness – all of those habits can change. But the one quality about me that will never change…is my honesty, and THAT is exactly why you need to hire me.’

The room fell silent. And do you know what two words came out of his mouth next?

Get out.

No, I’m just kidding! He said, ‘Welcome aboard!’

UNFORGETTABLE™, indeed.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Do you remember an interview during which you made an UNFORGETTABLE first impression?

I remember the first time I opened the fridge to get a drink of water and accidentally grabbed the wrong pitcher…

Glug…glug…glug…

Ahhh! Lemonade! My cheeks tingled from the surprising tart flavor as I gulped down an unexpected swig of Country Time.

Woooo-weee! That woke me up at 6 in the morning!

When it comes to conversation, giving flavored answers to fruitless questions works the same way. Think about your responses to ritual questions like ‘How are you?’ ‘What’s up?’ ‘How’s business?’ or ‘How you doin?’ (If you live in New York City)

What’s your answer? Good? Great? Grand? Wonderful? Perhaps you use the ever popular fine.

Guess what? Your answers are BOR-ing! In fact, fine is probably the worst of the lot – it can mean anything! For example, last summer I went to a Cardinals game on a warm Sunday afternoon and felt fine until I vomited from eating 4 orders of nachos…after which I told my girlfriend I felt fine. (F.I.N.E is actually an acronym for ‘Feelings I’m Not Expressing)

Nevertheless, these close-ended, one syllable words are conversation killers. They offer limited spice to your encounters. And most of the time, people use them as fast getaways to be polite, say hello, and get on with their isolated lives.

On the other hand, when you offer a flavored answer to a fruitless question, it magnetizes people. It makes you more approachable. People won’t be able to resist talking to you because you will be so darn sweet! In other words, you will turn water into lemonade.

Fine Doesn’t Sell Couches
I first tried flavored answers a few years ago when I sold furniture in Portland. As a salesman, it was my job to greet every person that came through the store. Daily, my opener to customers was a simple, ‘Good morning, how are ya?’

People responded with ‘Good,’ ‘Fine,” ‘Excellent,’ or whatever bland, monosyllabic pseudo emotion that disguised their real feelings which ended the conversation so the annoying salesman would walk away.

But then, they’d ask the same question back to me. I would respond with such flavored answers as ‘Exhausted from lifting couches,’ ‘This place is a circus on Sundays!’ or ‘I’m hopped up on sugar from our free donuts!’

No customer ever walked away from me! No customer felt uncomfortable! And no customer avoided eye contact so he wouldn’t have to talk to some pushy salesman.

But every customer had fun. Every customer smiled. And every customer engaged with and related to me as they eventually offered their real states of mind.

Then all of the sudden, my sales skyrocketed! Customers loved me! We got to know each other through engaging, fun conversations which made the sales process relaxed and personable. And all I did was give a flavored answer to a fruitless question. (Therein lies a mini sales lesson on building rapport with your customers!)

Now let’s move on to Part 2 of this article, in which you will find out what ingredients make a flavored answer.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Who’s got the best “flavored answer” you’ve ever heard?

(If you haven’t read Part 3 yet,
read it here before you continue!)
Now that you have discovered which ingredients will enhance your flavor, you are ready to turn water into lemonade. Whether you’re with a customer, making a new friend, on a date or networking with colleagues, here are the six benefits that you will receive when you offer flavored answers to fruitless questions.

YOUR ANSWER WILL…show someone that you care. This is undoubtedly the most important virtue of communication. The openness and honesty of your flavored answer will show someone that you value the conversation, and therefore, them as a person.

YOUR ANSWER WILL …make a good first impression. We spend so much time on our appearance, dress and behaviors that we often overlook the importance of the first five seconds. This is the amount of time during which people decide if they like you or not.

YOUR ANSWER WILL …build trust. Self-disclosure – the act of making yourself manifest – is reciprocal commensurate with the amount of information you reveal. So, whether you’re at a sales meeting, on a date or joining a club, give part of yourself to the other person immediately. They will do the same, and as a result you will feel like you’ve known each other for years!

YOUR ANSWER WILL …remind people that talking to you was worth it. Have you ever left a conversation with someone and said, ‘Boy…I’m sure glad I talked to him!’? Now, what if everyone starting saying that about you?

YOUR ANSWER WILL …trigger someone’s psychological need to be included. I don’t care how much of a rush, how bad of a day or how tired people are – they need be included and engage with each other.

YOUR ANSWER WILL …magnetize people to you. How could anyone hear the words “Everything is beautiful” and not be completely drawn to the person who said it?

Make ‘Em Tingle
Every time someone asks a fruitless question like “How are you?” “What’s up?” or “How’s business?” they expect to hear you say “fine.” They expect to have their level of conversational depth reciprocated. In other words, they expect water.

But you’re not going to give them water, are you?
Negative. You are going to turn water into lemonade by offering a flavored answer to a fruitless question. You are going to give a surprising, honest, appealing, memorable and fun answer that personifies your attitude so they can walk away from your conversation feeling that special tingle.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Who’s got the best “flavored answer” you’ve ever heard?

I’ll never forget what my mentor told me: ‘Don’t communicate in any way to any person without the stamp of your personal brand.’

Everyone has a personal brand, whether they know it or not. And everyone has a personal brand, whether they like it or not. But only those who actively and consistently create, maintain and imprint their personal brands on the people with whom they interact will sizzle!

But what is a personal brand? Peter Montoya, author of The Brand Called You, defines it as ‘a personal identity that stimulates precise, meaningful perceptions in its audience about the values and qualities that person stands for.’ But your personal brand is only as strong as the moments in which it is manifested.

Now, because YOU are the product, because YOU are what people want, and because YOU need to make an UNFORGETTABLE first impression; everything must be stamped with your personal brand. And I’m not just talking about the obvious hot spots like your website, business cards, marketing materials and promotional items. I’m talking about those underused and overlooked places that could benefit from a little more of you.

The ‘From’ Line

Recently, my friend Paul told me to change my ‘from line’ on my outgoing mail. It used to simply have my email address, but then I changed it to say HELLO, my name is Scott, my personal brand, which also happens to be my website URL and the title of one of my books. And as soon as I made the change, Paul said it stood out amidst all the other emails and enticed him to read my message first!

The ‘from’ line is a perfect, yet underused hot spot to stamp your personal brand. Let’s say you’re known as ‘The Tax Law Queen.’ Great. Put that instead of your email! It will stand out among the hundreds of emails in your recipients’ inboxes.

Try this quick exercise – it’s deliciously fun. Go to your inbox right now, start at the top, and slowly scroll down through ALL of your emails. Then look at the ‘from’ lines. Which ones stand out?

Here are some of the ‘from’ lines in my inbox:

J-RITZ (Rapper/Producer in Portland, OR)

Paul & The Ripples Project (The President of a non-profit)

Warp Speed Errands (Personal Concierge Business)

Dan Poynter & Para Publishing (Author/Publisher/Seminar Leader)

EZ Way Web Connections (Website Designer)

DON the IDEA GUY (Writer/Creative Consultant)

NOTE: My inbox has 511 emails, and these were the only 6 that stood out. That’s exactly 1.1%. What does that tell you?!

Signatures

Email signatures are wonderful. Use them. But don’t put TOO much information. Whatever program you use for email – Outlook, Eudora, Yahoo, Hotmail – find out how to customize your signature. There’s nothing more frustrating than receiving an email from someone who wants to talk further, get together or have you send her something, that doesn’t have any personal information in the email. At the end of every email you send, cross reference the following information:

*Name
*Title
*Company/Organization
*Mailing address
*Phone numbers
*Email address
*Website
*A few sentences about yourself, your company or your job

Think how many emails you send out each day: what if each one reinforced your personal brand?

Answering the Phone

I once read an article about a seedy bar in North Carolina called ‘He’s Not Here.’ The name originated from an owner who was accused of attracting customers of the, shall we say, unfaithful nature. And because of the fear of jealous wives rampaging for their husbands, the bartender always answered the phone by saying, ‘He’s not here!’

Now, although the personal brand of that business isn’t exactly proper, you’ve got to admit – that’s a damn clever way to answer the phone. And consistent. And memorable. And funny.

Sadly, only a small percentage of people do this; either because they’re too lazy, they’d rather just utter the canned ‘This is Jim…’ or they can’t think of anything creative to say.

A few years ago I was invited to be a guest on a local morning show to talk about my first book, HELLO, my name is Scott. But I knew the DJ’s would give me a hard time. So, when they dialed my number (on the air) and waited for me to pick up, I answered with, ‘HELLO, my name is Scott…?’

The three DJ’s started laughing so hard, I had to hold the phone away from my ear! They were dying! They even complimented my creative approach to answering the phone. And so, ever since then, I’ve never answered the phone another way – and people still laugh almost every time.

Voicemail

Among all the mediums through which we communicate, voicemail always gets treated like the redheaded stepchild:

‘Hi this is Randy. Leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you.’

This is an example of a typical outgoing message that makes callers feel like they really are talking to a machine. Now, we all hear this cookie cutter message about a dozen times daily. And it doesn’t necessarily make a voicemail message bad; but it does mean the voicemail is not being fully leveraged.

My friend Gina owns a company called It’s Your Stuff. She is a Professional Home Stylist who creates a designer look in people’s homes with their existing furnishings, art and accessories. I called her the other day, and although I missed her, here’s what her voicemail said:

‘Hi you’ve reached Gina of It’s Your Stuff. Sorry I missed your call, but I’m out making someone’s home beautiful! Please leave a message.’

Perfect.

These examples should stimulate some great ideas to find ways to incorporate more of you in all that you do. Remember: your personal brand underscores all that you do and say. But don’t forget to make it manifest in all the media through which you do and say it.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Who’s got the best voicemail you’ve ever heard? Is yours that good?

(This article also appeared in the Feb 2004 issue of the St. Louis Small Business Monthly.)

Sigmund Freud says ‘a person’s name is the single context of human memory most apt to be forgotten.’

Feelings of embarrassment and social ineptitude are conveyed through this forgetfulness, and unfortunately, the problem persists daily. The ability to remember names is an important skill that gives you an advantage in social and business settings. However, the way you associate and remember names is based on your learning style and personality type.

The following list of ten effective ways to remember names combines visual, aural and strategic techniques. Once you find the best fit for you, it will become easier to avoid muttering the most awkward and impersonal sentence in the English language: ‘Hey you!’

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition
As soon as you hear their name, repeat it back to the person. ‘It’s good to finally meet you, Karen—I hear you’re the expert on mufflers.’
If you don’t do this, you will forget her name within ten seconds of meeting her. Also be sure to repeat the name aloud in the beginning, during and at the end of the conversation. This will allow you to widen various areas of your memory circuit.
‘That’s a great story Stephanie!’ ‘Wow Tony, you obviously know your hockey.’ If you speak the name, hear the name, and listen to yourself say the name, you will remember it.

Inquiry
The number one rule in interpersonal communication is to show a genuine interest in the other person. So, ask your new colleague to explain the personal significance of their name. Ask if they go by a nickname. Inquire about the culture from which their name was derived. The spelling question is also effective. Even if Dave or Bob is only spelled one way you can always ask if they prefer ‘Dave,’ ‘David,’ ‘Bobby’ or ‘Robert.’

In so doing, you show them you care about them as a person. You also transform their name from an arbitrary fact into a meaningful representation of them. Ultimately, you will flatter them and make them feel appreciated.

Dramatize Faces
You probably remember faces better than you remember names. Great! This will only make it easier when you dramatize someone’s face and associate facial feature with their name. For example, if their nose or hair is particularly memorable, make a connection using alliteration with their name. Brian has bright red hair. Lucy has a long nose.

The trick is to make your associations and dramatizations memorable and interesting. Remember, that which is exaggerated and ridiculous is memorable.

Forget About You
‘Did I give him the ‘cold fish’ handshake?’ ‘Did I even look into her eyes?’ ‘Do you think she noticed the logo on my company briefcase?’ If you try too hard to make a good first impression, odds are you will have no idea to whom you make a good first impression to!

So don’t think about yourself! Forget about you! Concentrate on them. When you become too self-conscious and nervous during the moment of introduction, it will interfere with your memory.

Write Them Down
If you are a visual learner, write down the name of the person. This is a flawless method to remember. Most networking functions and meetings take place where tables, pens and paper are available.

Throughout the conversation, look down at the name in front of you, and then look at the person. Maria. Then look at the name again. Maria. Then look at the person again. Maria. You’ll never forget.

The additional benefit when you do this, unbeknownst to you, is that at least one other person in your group will see you write the name down. Talk about a good first impression!

Inner Monologue
Imagine you’ve already used Samantha’s name during the conversation. You seem to have it committed to memory. Then again, you don’t want to overuse her name aurally. Even if a person’s name is the sweetest sound they will ever hear, you don’t want to make it too obvious that you use the repetition trick.

Fortunately, there are countless opportunities during the conversation to quickly say the name to yourself while you look at their face: while they get a pen, while they take a drink, while they get something out of their desk, while they laugh at your hilarious joke.

It only takes a few seconds to look at someone and silently think to yourself, ‘Samantha. Samantha. Samantha.’ Don’t worry; you won’t miss anything if you choose to do this at the appropriate times.

Introduce Someone Else
‘Have you met my coworker Patty?’ you ask the nameless person. ‘I don’t believe I have,’ he says, ‘My name is Roger. It’s nice to meet you Patty.’ Roger. That’s his name! You thought it was Antonio! Thank God you introduced him to someone else or you would be floating up the eponymous creek.

Furthermore, if you introduce someone you just met to another person, it allows you to: take control of the conversation, show your willingness to encourage connections and expand someone else’s network of colleagues.

Listen and Look for Name Freebies
More often than not, you won’t be the only person who knows the name of your new colleague. This means that other people will say their name, and you will be reminded. No charge. All you have to do is pay attention.

Also remember to keep your eyes open for subtle, visual reminders such as business cards, receipts, nametags, jewelry, table tents and personal papers. Without getting too nosey, it will be easy to identify these ‘name freebies’ that paint you out of your memory corners.

These ten effective techniques to remember names will be helpful to cross the chasm between you and a potential colleague or associate. When you identify and amplify someone’s name, you won’t suffer a loss of face. Ultimately, your interactions and conversations will become more personal and comfortable.

Practice. Practice. Practice. That’s the hard part. But over time you will learn how these different techniques for name memory will work best for you.

Attitude. Attitude. Attitude. That’s the easy part. However, while practice enhances your name memory over time, it only takes a few seconds to decide to change your attitude. Don’t yourself that you can’t remember names. In fact, from this moment on, you are no longer bad with names. Combine this new attitude with your recently acquired skills, and you’ll never have to say ‘Hey you!’ again.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
The last time someone forgot your name, how did that make you feel?